Imperfect Game

Congratulations, Hawk!

2010-07-23T14:18:00.006-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately - life has been a little crazy. Still, I couldn't let Andre Dawson's induction into the Hall of Fame go by without comment. I grew up on the Sandberg Cubs and Andre Dawson was a big part of that era.

In honor of his enshrinement, I wanted to pass along this video that our friends over at Waxpaperbeercup unearthed today. This is part 2 of 2. (You can find part one here.)

At the one-minute mark, Dawson takes a pitch to the face. He lies face-down on the ground for some time while the Cubs' bench and bullpen storm out onto the field. At two minutes and 15 seconds, the Hawk wakes up and then - over a minute after getting plunked - he charges the mound.

This moment in baseball history has always been a part of my mental history of the game, but seeing it in real time again after all these years...well, it was even better than I remembered.

So, for this moment and oh so many more, thank you Hawk! You weren't a Cub for long - but you sure made an impression.

Doe Tubs Doe!

2010-06-16T16:00:00.012-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted, and it'll likely be some time before I post again. It's certainly not because baseball has been boring lately.

We've had some exciting young players called up from the minors - including professional body-builder Mike Stanton, former guitar-rocker Carlos Santana and god-amongst-men Stephen Strasburg. This is what happens when 38-year-old journeymen are no longer allowed to stick needles in their butts.

We've seen 3 perfect games thrown since my last post and one of those nullified by one of the worst calls in the history of the game. (Side note: Armando Gallaraga's heart-breaking effort against the Cleveland Indians embodied all that this blog stands for - and is under consideration for official Imperfect Game mascot status.)

We've even had a minor league baseball team refuse to take their traditional practice swings prior to game because they're taking a stand against "BP".

Unfortunately, all that and more has fallen by the wayside as I celebrate the birth of my second child, Reid Michael Powers. I'm afraid there is just too much to do at home to worry about blogging. After all, the trick to ensuring that they become Cub fans for life is getting to them when they're young.

As the audio file below shows, it certainly has worked for my 2-year-old daughter, Allegra.

Doe Tubs Doe!

Baseball Is A Touching Sport

2010-05-06T09:41:00.007-07:00

An avid reader of this blog recently sent me a link to a New York Times article that she thought might make for a good post. The article, "Evidence That Little Touches Do Mean So Much" centered around various forms of non-verbal communication and the messages that they can convey.

The article cites numerous research studies from scientists at Berkeley, Cal, DePauw University in Indiana and even the Touch Research Institute (but of course) in Miami. These studies show that something as simple as a handshake or an arm around the shoulder can carry significant meaning and have a profound impact on the recipient of such gestures.

They even delved into the extremely touchy sport of basketball, where every free throw (made or missed) merits multiple fist bumps, high-fives and occasionally a flying chest-bump.

Like basketball, the sport of baseball has its own rich tradition of physical contact whether it be a pat on the back after a tough strikeout or a catcher leaping into the arms of the pitcher who just threw a no-hitter. I think the power of those touches is readily apparent.

It's all that other touching that I have to wonder about. Most of it would best be described as a far-too-low "pat on the back". This form of non-verbal baseball communication can mean many things to many different players.

Sometimes it's to celebrate a big play:

Sometimes it's just to let a guy know that you care:

Or that you're behind him 100%:

Maybe its a way to share that something extra with your buddy:

Or let a rival know they have your respect:

While butt-slaps, ass-grabs and cheek-cupping seem to be a time-honored tradition, there have also been some instances where players get things, well, backwards. I call this the very VERY low five.

All I can say to that is "Play ball!"

Back in elementary school, we were taught that any touching in the "bathing suit zone" was off limits. In baseball, these touches are (mostly) innocent. But I'm telling you, you get a little slap here, a tiny grab there, and before you know it, things are out of control. Don't believe me? Need I trot out my favorite inappropriate baseball touching moment of all-time? Fine! I warned you!

I give you The Dominican Oil Change (always a crowd-pleaser):

Now THAT is how you celebrate a home run (in prison).

Tazers, Revenge, Death & Of Course, Milton Bradley

2010-05-05T13:58:00.012-07:00

It's time for one of my extra-special catch-up posts, where I try to make up for a lack of blogging by throwing 4 or 5 disparate subjects together into one crazy post.

Tazers

By now everyone in baseball-loving America and beyond has seen or heard about the foolish young man who stormed the field at Philadelphia's Citizen's Bank Ballpark.

According to his father, the 17-year old Phillies fan (what is it with the City of Brotherly Love, anyway?) was not drinking nor was he on drugs. In fact, he called his dad prior to the incident to see if pops thought it would be a good idea to storm the field. His dad agreed that while a terribly stupid idea, it would be a once-in-a-lifetime event.

Phillies security obliged by ensuring that the young man's adventure would live forever in the hallowed halls of YouTube.

If you haven't seen the footage, here you go:

Should the kid have run on to the field? No. Of course not, sit in your seat and watch the game. Should the security officer have tazed him? Absolutely! Did you watch the footage? There's no way that guy was going to catch that kid otherwise. I don't see why he didn't just execute him on the spot. That would have taught everyone a lesson. (/sarcasm)

Revenge

There is a fantastic article on ESPN by Jerry Crasnick about the various unwritten rules of baseball and when the opposing pitcher should or should not retaliate. The article was likely came about in response to Dallas Braden's outburst earlier this season (see my article on this subject here).

To sum up Crasnick's discussion with Hall-of-Famers Jim Palmer, Bert Blyleven and Goose Gossage, I put together this handy-dandy written unwritten rule book:

If a batter or baserunner...

1. Admires a home run = Fastball to the ribs

2. Flips their bat = Fastball to the ribs

3. Trots too slowly on a home run = Fastball to the ribs

4. Steps on the mound = Who cares? Oh right, Dallas Braden

5. Calls timeout in your windup = Fastball to the ribs

6. Peeks at the catcher's signs = Fastball to the side of the head

7. Gets hit by a pitch on purpose = Hit them with a harder pitch

8. Take a homerun swing at a 3-0 pitch = Fastball in your ear

And God forbid one of your guys takes a fastball to the ribs, your pitcher damn well better return the favor.

If more pitchers these days followed "the rules", you'd see a lot less of this crap:

Death

Legendary Detroit Tigers broadcaster, Ernie Harwell, passed away yesterday at the age of 92. He had been battling terminal cancer for several months. I didn't know his name, nor did I recognize the pictures they showed on ESPN.

Still, when I heard a clip of him speaking I was instantly transported to the baseball of my youth.

Signing off on his final game back in 2002, Harwell put it as well as any broadcaster can:

"...Rather than goodbye, please allow me to say thank you. Thank you for letting me be a part of your family. Thank you for taking me with you to that cottage up north, to the beach, the picnic, your work place and your backyard. Thank you for sneaking your transistor under the pillow as you grew up loving the Tigers. Now, I might have been a small part of your life. But you've been a very large part of mine. And it's my privilege and honor to share with you the greatest game of all."

Now, that's class. Hey, speaking of class...

Milton Bradley

Seattle Mariners outfielder and patron saint of Imperfect Game, Milton Bradley, had quite a game last night. After striking out earlier in the game, Bradley came up with the bases loaded and his team trailing 3-1. With two strikes, Milton watched a fastball cruise right over the fat part of the plate for strike three.

That's when Mariners' manager Don Wakamatsu decided to pull Milton Bradley from the game. Bradley was so upset he left the dugout, stormed out of the clubhouse and left the stadium in a huff - before the game was over!

Now, I can't argue that Wakamatsu was right to pull his newly installed cleanup hitter after just six-innings and 2 strikeouts. I can argue - and rather successfully at that - that Milton Bradley is a childish a-hole and a cancer on whatever team decides to take a chance on him.

Said Wakamatsu after the game: "We talk about coming together as a club. We're kind of at a point right now, where, watching that game, I don't know if anyone in the clubhouse is proud of it. ... And some of those things we're going to address and fix. I promise you that."

Way to go, Don. Step one is admitting you have a problem. Step two is trading Milton Bradley to some unsuspecting sucker.

Oh yeah, the Cubs say "Thank you!"

Bust-a Buster?

2010-04-29T08:53:00.009-07:00

For the last several years, the Bay area has been a-buzz about Giant's catching prospect Buster Posey (born Gerald Demp Posey III). Now word has begun to circulate (via the San Francisco Gate) that the young stud may soon be making his official debut with the big boys.

While news of a minor league player being called up to the Show is exciting in and of itself, the real news here is that the Giants would be making this move despite the fact that it could end up costing them millions more than if they waited just a month or two longer.

Baseball is no stranger to complex rules and regulations. Among the more byzantine systems is the one that determines how much control a team has over their minor league players and how long that control should last. I could go on and on about Arbitration and Super-Two status, but I would only lose my audience and bore myself in the process.

Jeff Passan of Yahoo! Sports breaks it down as succinctly as possible: "If a team parks a player in the minor leagues for at least 20 days to begin the season, it can delay his free agency by one year. Teams looking to save money go a step further and keep players down for about two months, which prevents them from gaining the Super 2 status that gives the top 17 percent of any service class an extra year of salary arbitration."

Translation: A few months' wait saves the Giants millions of dollars over the long run.

Most teams are patient enough to keep their young stars down in the minors, babying them long enough and throwing around excuses like "he's working on his fundamentals" or "he's learning how to work the count" or "he's figuring out what it takes to manage a staff."

All of that is pure, grade-A bull.

The team knows they can save money - a lot of money - and what's more they should want to save money. The way the system is currently set up, teams are rewarded for keeping some of their best players from playing at the big league level. Does this help them win games? No. Is it fun for the fans? Nope. Is it good for the players? No, in fact it sucks most for them. The worst part is, it's bad for the game of baseball.

Right now, Stephen Strasburg (Best. Prospect. Ever.), is throwing 5-inning no-hitters for the AA Harrisburg Senators. Despite only a handful of starts since being drafted it's already clear that he's good enough for the Majors. What's more he would be the #2 or #3 starter on a lot of teams right now. He would certainly be the best pitcher the Washington Nationals have EVER had. So, why is he in the minors? According to the team it's so he can "learn to slow his delivery with men on base." That's hard to do when he's not allowing any baserunners.

For every Jason Heyward (who broke camp with the Atlanta Braves this season despite the escalating future costs) there are literally dozens of good players that languish on bus rides across the country paying their minor league dues long after the tab has been settled.

Should the Giants call up Buster Posey tomorrow? Hell yes! He'd immediately take over for an ice-cold Aubrey Huff at first base and could spell a super-hot Bengie Molina behind the plate. He could play every day and help San Francisco win more games. And if not for the millions of dollars it would end up costing the team, the team would have done it yesterday.

So, when the Giants end up missing the playoffs by a game, don't blame the management for not calling in the reinforcements sooner. Blame the system, man!

Or just blame Bud Selig. That's what I always do.

The Internet Hates Cleveland

2010-04-28T13:43:00.005-07:00

The Wall Street Journal Online, not known for their baseball-related content, published an article today about a recent study performed by Nielson Company. The goal of the study was simple: determine the most hated team in Major League Baseball.

I am not a statistical analyst, so I can't verify that the method used by Nielson Co is entirely valid. The WSJ article says they use "an algorithm designed by Nielson Co. that measures positive and negative reactions on the internet ... on a scale of -5 to 5." Having seen some of the baseball commentary on the internet (and even created some of it myself) I can tell you that most of it falls well below a "-5". With a quick Google search, one could probably unearth an article written by a teary-eyed Red Sox fan regarding Aaron Boone's home run in the 2003 ALCS that would probably merit a a triple-digit negative.

In any event, what they discovered through their research was that the people of the internet really do not care for the Cleveland Indians. While every team actually scored in the positive, Cleveland's score of 0.9 was the lowest.

Here's a list of the least-liked teams in baseball:

Sure the Red Sox and Yankees get all the press, but their rankings of #2 and #5 respectively are mostly just them hating each other. I think what really sets teams like Cleveland (#1) or Cincinnati (#3) apart (other than the fact that they're in Ohio) is the degree to which their own fans hate them. Similarly, if you root for Astros (#4) or the Orioles (#8), you are more likely to be pissed at the team than any of their rival fans.

How does Cleveland go about rehabilitating its image? I've got an idea! Why don't the Indians just blow the whole team up and bring in a bunch of scrappy scrubs from the nether reaches of baseball. You could have a washed-up catcher, a recently released inmate with a wicked fastball and control issues, a speedy outfielder with a penchant for pop-ups and a hulking slugger whose voodoo god refuses to help him hit a curve ball. If that fails, the owner could just move the team to Miami!

What do you say, Cleveland?

The $125 Million Man?

2010-04-26T15:53:00.011-07:00

The Phillies agreed to terms on a new contract with slugging first baseman Ryan Howard today. Philadelphia will pay Howard $125 million over the next 5 years - a staggering $25 million per year.

For average annual value, Howard's contract ranks third on the all-time list behind Alex Rodriguez (2008-2017 at $27.5MM) and ... Alex Rodriguez (2001-2007 at $25.2MM). The next guys on the list, Joe Mauer and C.C. Sabathia are positively paupers at $23MM annually.

What's even more remarkable about the deal is that it doesn't even take effect until 2012, which means the Phils had 2 more years to wait. Over the life of this contract Ryan Howard will go from a 32-year-old in his prime to a 37-year-old with one foot in the grave. They couldn't have held out to see if Howard would keep up his high-level performance over that time? Or even just wait and see if he blows out a knee on one of his gale-force strikeouts?

And believe me, this is a guy who knows something about strikeouts. In 2006, he was second only to Adam Dunn with 181 Ks. In 2007, Howard led all of Major League Baseball with 199 whiffs. Over 2008 and 2009, Mark Reynolds' back-to-back record-breaking strikeout campaigns relegated Ryan Howard to second place status again. Still, with 765 strikeouts over the past 4 years, I think we can all agree that Howard has something of a knack for the ole swing-and-miss.

He also knows a thing or two about home runs. He has hit 198 of them over that same 4-year span. During that time, he also averaged over 100 runs scored and over 140 RBIs.

No one can deny that he is a monster at the plate - whether he is clearing the bases with a rainmaking homer or clearing the dirt off the plate with a turbine-force wind. I'm sure when they ran the cost-benefit analysis on this deal, the Phillies were a little more focused on the $500,000 per home run than they were the $130,000 per strikeout.

A quick tour around the baseball interwebs reveals some similar sentiments:

Fan Graphs think we should, "Say hello to the new worst contract in baseball."
Duk at Yahoo! Sports thinks, "The Phillies would have been much better off waiting."
Ken Rosenthal at Fox Sports believes the Phillies, "Bid against themselves."
Keith Law of ESPN (sorry, ESPN Insiders only) says this deal is "one of the worst extensions of its kind - it's an overpay of both years and dollars."

So, congratulations, Philadelphia! In just a few years' time, you will have a whole new reason to throw up at the old ballgame.

Mound Warfare

2010-04-23T08:28:00.014-07:00

UPDATE:

Despite MLB's idiotic attempts to prevent anyone from embedding videos of their favorite teams or players, this YouTube video has popped up for our enjoyment. Check it out before Bud Selig's evil forces shut it down.

ORIGINAL POST:

Last night's starting pitcher for the Oakland A's, Dallas Braden, took offense to what he thought was a personal slight from Yankees' third baseman Alex Rodriguez.

At the time of the incident, ARod was on first base and Braden was pitching. Rodriguez was off and running on a foul ball hit by Robinson Cano. He saw that the ball was foul as he rounded second, and promptly returned to first base by the most direct route, which took him - and here's where he made his fatal mistake - directly over the pitcher's mound. Yes, Dallas Braden's pitching mound!

One double-play later and the inning was over. That's when Dallas Braden decided to give Alex Rodriguez a piece of his mind. You can watch the brief, yet heated incident here. If you're good at lip-reading, you will see that Dallas was shouting at Alex to "get off my mound! Get off my [something something] mound!"

He then threw a bit of a hissy-fit in the dugout.

When asked about the incident, Alex said, "He just told me to get off his mound. I was a little surprised. I'd never quite heard that. Especially from a guy that has a handful of wins in his career ... I thought it was pretty funny actually."

Nice. Stay classy, Alex.

Here's what Alex really wanted to say: "Oh, I'm sorry ... Dallas who? I've never heard of the guy. Does he play baseball? Does he know who I am? Does he know how much money I make? I am Alex Rodriguez! I own baseball. That is not his mound. That's my mound. I'm going to buy it. I'm going to buy the whole damn ballpark. We're renaming this place - the Oakland Colosseum, the House that ARod Bought! No wait, not the Oakland A's? Nope, not anymore. They're the ARod A's. I'm going to own all their asses. ... Um, sorry, what was the question?"

Honestly, this sort of thing is thing is pretty bush-league. Should Alex have stepped on the mound? I guess not, but if it's an unwritten rule, it's not one I've ever heard before. Was Dallas Braden's reaction appropriate? Almost certainly not. He looked like a child out there. You want to show ARod that you and the A's mean business, throw one up and in and then strike his ass out. Don't whine about it...just play ball.

The only thing about the whole incident that upsets me is being forced to take the side of Alex Rodriguez. Yuck!

You Cannot Pen El Toro!

2010-04-21T15:38:00.008-07:00

Various news outlets are reporting (or decrying) the Chicago Cubs' announcement that they have sent bombastic starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen. Carlos, who often refers to himself as "El Toro," (Spanish for "the bull") did not seem to appreciate the irony.

The Cubs official website says this move, "makes all the sense in the world," while, Andy Dolan over at Cubs blog desipio.com jokingly noted that the Cubs had "bolstered their bullpen by not putting Tom Gorzelanny in it," and continued his tirade over at Fisted Foul.

Even players on other teams are baffled by the Cubs' decision. Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski told ESPN, "I'm shocked. With a guy with his stuff, you can't believe that would happen. ... It just surprises me they would make that move."

Some observers were less "political" in their comments. For instance, Yahoo! Sports' Andy Behrens had this to say:

This decision isn't merely stupid, it's weapons-grade stupid. Total organizational failure.

Behrens also points out that the Cubs will pay Zambrano $17.9 million this year and next and another $18 million in 2012. If he averages 70 relief innings annually over that span, you're talking roughly $250,000 per inning or $85,000 per out. Not bad work if you can stink enough as a starter to get it.

The real problem is that Carlos hasn't been all that bad this season. He also has a track record of being fairly good - certainly decent enough to warrant more than 3 starts before being thrown into the bullpen.

In any event, I think this could be a fun chapter for the Cubs. Whenever they need to shut down the opposition - maybe bases loaded, no outs - they crank up Rage Against The Machine's Bulls on Parade over the stadium PA and El Toro comes charging out of the 'pen to take the ball. He'll be so amped up he's liable to throw his first pitch through the batter's ear-hole.

Between a raging, adrenalized Carlos Zambrano and the Cubs' erratic closer Carlos Marmol, who's never quite sure exactly where the ball is going, you won't find too many guys willing step into the batter's box without first donning some goalie gear.

Jacket Required

2010-04-20T10:57:00.010-07:00

UPDATE (April 21, 2010):

After our scathing criticism (below) of MLB's no-hoodie policy, the grand-high Commissioner of Baseball himself, Bud Selig, has declared that Joe Maddon can wear his signature outerwear.

This is a triumph not just for this humble blogger but for all bloggers the baseball-blogging world over. Well done!

-------------

ORIGINAL POST (April 20, 2010):

The MLB powers that be have proclaimed that Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon can no longer wear his ubiquitous hoodie.

The baseball fashion police ~~would prefer~~ have insisted that Maddon wear the official Tampa Bay Rays dugout jacket. I mean, the only reason it's called a "dugout jacket" in the first place is because the manager supposedly wears one. Outside of the days when the starting pitcher is feeling a bit chilly, the manager is usually the only guy sporting one.

For his part, Maddon has said that he finds the pullover (which is also official Tampa Bay Rays gear by the way) is simply more comfortable. I can certainly see Joe's point on this one - some people just don't feel comfortable wearing these jackets.

While they have come a long way in the last decade or so, dugout jackets still tend to be fairly ugly, overly-shiny and puffy in all the wrong places - particularly for a man with a bit of, um, post-athletic girth.

Take for example, an older gentleman, such as Lou Piniella, manager of my ~~beloved~~ godforsaken Chicago Cubbies. When Lou dons his official Cubs dugout jacket, it appears as though he's trying to smuggle Alfonso Soriano out of the ballpark ... or at least out of his lineup.

The problem for Joe Maddon is I'm just not sure the hoodie is doing him any favors in that regard.

What baseball needs to do is mandate exactly which pieces of officially licensed gear are "good enough" for the dugout and which are better suited for the homely, unwashed masses watching the game in the stands and at home.

The biggest upside of the MLB decision is that, at least for now, the baseball world remains safe from New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick. Now that guy knows how wear a hoodie!

This Is For The Folks In The Cheap Seats

2010-04-16T14:25:00.006-07:00

In the ninth inning of last night D'Backs/Dodgers tilt, Stephen Drew decided to send the crowd home with a little souvenir.

(Thanks to the folks at Fisted Foul and Memories of Kevin Malone for the animation.)

I haven't seen an error like that since a routine grounder to second resulted in the Yankees' Chuck Knoblauch throwing a ball that hit Keith Olberman's mother in the face - three rows up in the stands!

That Drew's errant throw came in the ninth inning of a close game against a division rival only made it all the more epic. In fact, the Dodgers tied the game on the overthrow and then went on to win in extra innings.

Look out! I hear tomorrow night is Stephen Drew baseball bat night!

PS: Two posts in one day? Don't get used to it!

Support Your Team By Showing Up, Not Throwing Up

2010-04-16T10:03:00.007-07:00

Philadelphia Phillies fans continue to "distinguish" themselves in unique ways. Today's police blotter includes mention of a man arrested at the Phillies game against the Nationals for "unruly behavior." Those charges don't quite capture the scope of the crime that 21-year-old Matthew Clemmens of Cherry Hill, NJ allegedly committed.

According to the report on ESPN via the Associated Press, young Clemmens stuck his finger down his throat and intentionally vomited on an 11-year-old girl and her father.

Unfortunately for Clemmens, the recipient of the contents of his stomach turned out to be an off-duty police captain. Clemmens was arrested on the spot and later charged with assault and harassment after he punched and again intentionally vomited on the police captain and another arresting officer.

First off, let's get it together Phillie fans. You celebrated at last year's World Series banner-raising ceremony by starting a small riot (see the video toward the end of my post from April 2009) and you are routinely called out as the most unruly fans across multiple sports for perpetrating such crimes as throwing batteries at J.D. Drew and reigning down boos and snowballs on poor Santa Claus.

There are better ways to show support for your team.

Secondly, I'm no lawyer, but I believe Clemmens will probably manage to get off on some technicality. Sadly, lots of people vomit quite uncontrollably while watching the Washington Nationals.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim ... And The Apocalypse!

2010-04-13T13:36:00.009-07:00

In yet another bizarre and gruesome turn of the screw for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, several members of the team bore witness to a grizzly scene outside their New York City hotel this morning.

Former Yankee Hideki Matsui and the Angels are in the big city to play the Yankees in a game sure to be dubbed "Godzilla's Revenge" by some overzealous New York Post headline writer.

According to ESPN, early this morning, a man apparently "jumped to his death" from the 42nd floor of the team's hotel. The players were boarding the team bus several minutes later as the police closed off the street. A couple of Anaheim pitchers - Jered Weaver and Matt Palmer - witnessed the event from a coffee shop across the street.

This is not the first time in recent memory that tragedy has befallen (no pun intended) this team. Just last year, on Opening Day a fan was killed in a brawl that broke out following the game (see my post on baseball-related violence here). The very next day, rookie pitcher Nick Adenhart was killed in car crash following his first-ever big league start. And now we have this seemingly random occurrence 3000 miles away from their sunny California home.

Is it just me, or are the Angels are being targeted. It's almost as though Karma has it out for them. But what could they possibly have done to incur this sort of cosmic wrath?

Oh wait, that's right: Hideki Matsui Snuggie Night.

Last week, in just the second game of the new season, the Angels forced 45,000 unsuspecting Angelinos to wear logo-emblazoned fleece blankets (a.k.a. "snuggies") in order to set a new World Record.

Is their team so lacking in entertainment value that they needed a record-setting promotion just 24 hours after the excitement of Opening Day? Or are the baseball fans in southern California just that disinterested in baseball? Either way, I'm staying as far away from that team as I can until the karmic smoke clears.

In the meantime, if you need me, I'll be curled up on the couch in my Kosuke Fukudome fleece blanket watching the Cubs lose again.

Meet The "New" Milton Bradley

2010-04-12T09:44:00.007-07:00

Our good friends over at the Fisted Foul blog posted a wonderful image of Milton Bradley, a man who has become something of a mascot for this blog.

The current Seattle Mariner (and former Cub, Ranger, Padre, A, Dodger, Indian, and Expo) returned to Texas for the first time in two seasons, determined to show his old "fans" that he was a changed man.

He also showed them this:

Bradley said when the Cubs dumped him on the Mariners over the off-season, "I'm just here to play baseball. When everything lines up, I can play pretty good. Hopefully, there are no distractions."

Clearly, his desire to avoid distractions doesn't include the ones that are self-inflicted.

Despite the fact that his distraction-free demeanor lasted all of a month-and-a-half, it's comforting having the "old" Milton back - like waking up to a nice, warm cup of crazy every morning.

You Can't Beat Sex At The Old Ballpark

2010-04-09T10:07:00.011-07:00

This stuff could only happen to the White Sox...

John Kass of the Chicago Tribune relayed a story from Opening Day at U.S. Cellular Field. Sox fan and local physician, Dr. Paul Nemeth's six-year-old son just wanted to see his favorite team play baseball. Instead, he got an education in poor bathroom etiquette.

On Monday, Nemeth's son had to go, and his father took him to the nearest restroom. They stood in line for the first urinal next to a row of stalls.

As they waited, Nemeth said, he noticed noises coming from the last stall. A man's legs — clad in blue jeans and sneakers — were sticking out from under the stall door.

"The toes were pointing up," said Nemeth. "The legs were shaking and quivering. From a visual standpoint, all you had to see was the legs quivering to know something was going on."

...

"So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make sure nobody was dying in there. That's when I heard a woman's voice yell, ‘HEY, STOP!' Something was going on and I had interrupted."

Moments later, the stall door opened, and a tall, thin, blond man exited. The tall man held his arms up in triumph. "His arms were straight up, like in victory," Nemeth said. "Everybody was hooting and hollering and giving high-fives."

Then a second person left the stall, someone Nemeth described as apparently female, "scurrying" out of the restroom with a shirt or coat over her head.

"It was disgusting. Probably the most disgusting thing was the encouragement this guy received from the other guys in the bathroom. You can't even go to a baseball game anymore without being subjected to this?"

My first thought was, "Geez, where else is this guy being subjected to this?" Then I remembered he's a White Sox fan. This kind of stuff probably happens at every establishment he frequents.

When I think back to my blessedly limited experiences in the bathrooms at the White Sox home park, well, let's just say "Eww..." This punk kid may have felt like some kind of conquering hero, and the methed-up low-lifes cheering him on sure treated him like one, but just I hope it was worth it. That burning sensation you feel when you pee, yeah, that's the clap, bro. High five!

Let's all remember this one the next time Ozzie Guillen wants to talk about the size of the rats at Wrigley Field.

It's Still Early

2010-04-08T14:47:00.003-07:00

The clubhouse manager in charge of uniform decals for the San "Francicso" Giants would like to remind everyone that we're only 4 days into the new season. It's still early.

I can't wait for them to play the Washington "Natinals".

Pitchers & Catchers Report

2010-02-18T09:21:00.004-07:00

Today is the day: Pitchers & catchers report.

All around the Sunshine State and all across the Valley of the Sun, baseball has arrived. Every team – from the World Champion Yankees to the lowly Washington Nationals – has reason for hope today. Tomorrow…well that’s another story.

At every spring training site there is a fresh start. The Yanks are hoping to stay on top. The Phillies are hoping for another shot at the title after falling in the Series. The Pirates are hoping that they have a group of young players ready to come into their own. The Cubs are hoping they never have to see Milton Bradley again.

The Rangers fans are hoping for a healthy season from Rich Harden. Red Sox fans are wicked excited about “VMaht”. Dodger fans are stuck in traffic right now but should get to Opening Day on time (around the 3rd inning).

The Cardinals get a full season of Pujols and Holliday. The Nationals get to officially start the Strasberg era. The Rockies are building on a playoff season with a strong core of young players. San Diego is sunny.

Yes, it’s a new beginning and – at least for today – everyone has dreams of greatness. Over the next month and a half, the players, managers and fans will get a sense for just how good they might be.

By Opening Day, you can probably cross off the Pirates, Royals, Padres, Nationals, Indians, Orioles and Blue Jays from your mental list of contenders. By June 1st, you can eliminate the D’Backs, Giants, Astros, Reds and A’s. Every other team probably has a legitimate shot of making the playoffs. From there, anyone can win it all.

For now, we can all dream the dream. Not a pitch has been thrown, nor a bat hit a ball. No one has to visit Dr. James Andrews and no one has to testify before Congress. The rookies are ready to break out, the aging veterans are going to make a comeback. The umps haven’t blown a call and the managers have yet to make a bad move (even Dusty Baker). Nobody’s in a slump and everyone is going to be an All Star.

At least for today, this is going to be the year…

Midnight Train to Florida

2010-01-15T09:58:00.009-07:00

Word is leaking out that the most popular team in Arizona is going to be moving to Florida. No, I don’t mean the Phoenix Suns, though that would be very big news. I am referring to the Spring Training site of the Chicago Cubs.

Year in and year out, the Cubs draw more fans than any other team training in the Valley of the Sun. Throughout the month of March, Cubs fans come wandering out of the cactus like a bad sequel to a Kevin Costner movie (which would of course be called Desert of Dreams). They remove their winter coats and hats, strip down to their shorts and proudly slip on their sandals over their socks.

Sure they look ridiculous, but they bring in a lot of money to the state of Arizona and they are fiercely loyal to their ever-losing team.

Despite this long-standing tradition, rumors have been swirling that the team is seriously considering new spring training sites in Naples, Florida. Deals have been pitched by the City of Mesa and by the folks in Naples and decision time is drawing near for the new owners of the Cubs.

Yesterday, waxpaperbeercup alerted the intertubes to this tweet from USA Today’s Bob Nightengale:

The Cubs likely will leave Mesa, Az. for Naples, Fla., for spring training barring the state of AZ coming up with unforseen (sic) money.

With the Cubs Annual Fan Convention starting today in downtown Chicago, one can probably expect some uninformed outrage and sweaty hand-wringing from the assembled masses. You can also be sure there will be some calm reassurances from Cubs’ President Crane Kenney that no decision has been made yet and they are still looking at all of their options. One phrase you can count on hearing will be: “We’re going to make the decision based on what’s best for the team and what’s going to get us to the World Series.”

Then Crane Kenney will disappear backstage and raise a coconut-ensconced pina colada to the mayor of Naples, Florida and toast to the Cubs big move. Then Crane will slip out the back door of the convention center cackling maniacally. Because seriously, Crane Kenney sounds like the alter ego of some cheesy Batman villain.

Wherever they go, the Cubs' fans will follow them to the ends of the Earth. For better or for worse, it looks like come 2012 they will be headed to Florida. As an Arizona resident and life-long Cubs fan myself, I will be disappointed. I think it is a bad decision and one based more on greed than loyalty. And if you think moving the Cubs' Spring Training facility to Naples will help them win the World Series, well, then you are a Cubs fan.

I leave you with this song and the hope that some enterprising Cubs fan will record this for the enjoyment of us all:

Midnight Train to Florida

Mesa proved to much for the Cubs,
(Too much for the Cubs, they couldn’t take it)
So they're leaving the site they’ve come to know,
(They said they’re going)
They said they’re going East to find
(Going East to find)
Ooh, what’s that smell on the bus
The bus from Naples to Orlando

They’re leaving,
(Leaving)
For Spring Training in Florida,
(Leaving on a midnight train)
And they're goin’ East
(Going East to find)
A more humid place with Crane
(When the Cubs take that ride, Crane Kenney is by their side)

Their fans will go with them
(I know they will)
To their Spring Training in Florida
(Leaving on a midnight train with Ronnie, Woo Woo)
They’d rather sweat in Naples
(Sweat in Naples)
Than enjoy the dry heat in Mesa
(Naples, Naples, with Len and Bob and Lou)

They kept dreaming’
(Dreaming)
That someday they’d win the Series
(The World Series, but they didn’t get far)
And they sure found out the hard way
That the Cubs don't always come through
(Dreams for Cubs did not come true, uh huh, no, uh huh)

Their fans pawned all their hopes
(Ooh, ooh, ooh ooh)
Some even sold their own cars
(Woo, Woo, you know who)
For a one way ticket back to the playoffs they once knew
Oh yes they did, they said they would

They’re leaving
(Leaving)
For Spring Training in Florida
(Leaving on a midnight train from Mesa)
Yeah, said they’re going East to find
(Going East to find)
A more humid place with Crane
(Whenever they win the Series, guess who's gonna’ be delirious)
Their fans will be with them
(I know they will)
At that Spring Training in Florida
(Leaving on a midnight train with Ronnie, woo woo)
They’d rather sweat in Naples
(Sweat in Naples)
Than go clubbing in Scottsdale
(Naples, Naples, with Pat and Ron, Big Z!)

They’re leaving,
(Leaving)
For Spring Training in Florida,
(Leaving on a midnight train)
And they're goin’ back
(Going back to find)
A more humid place with Crane
(When the Cubs take that ride, Crane Kenney is by their side)

Their fans will go with them
(I know they will)
To their Spring Training in Florida
(Leaving on a midnight train with Ronnie, Woo Woo)
They’d rather bus to Orlando
(Orlando's a long way)
Than party in Phoenix
(Florida, Florida, Kosuke, Ram and DLee)

My Cubs, gonna board, the midnight train to Florida (x3)

Naples, humid, that bus, with Len and Bob and Lou (x2)

That bus will smell (x5)

Bye Cubs, gotta go, Naples, bye Cubs

In a New York Minute, Everything Can Change

2010-01-14T11:19:00.008-07:00

The baseball blogowebs were all a-twitter last night with word that the New York Mets’ Carlos Beltran had received back-alley microfracture surgery on his bothersome knee. Beltran apparently sought out the services of his own person physician, Dr. Richard Steadman, in Colorado, who performed an arthroscopic cleanup on the outfielder’s osteoarthritic right knee. According to Dr. Steadman, “[Beltran] is anticipated to return to baseball activities in 12 weeks.”

Let’s forget for a moment that the quote from the good doctor is far from grammatically correct and focus instead on a few of the rather surprising parts of this story.

First, Beltran used his own personal physician. What’s more he decided on the surgery and had the procedure performed prior to alerting the New York Mets organization. Beltran’s agent, the Devil’s own lawyer, Scott Boras, told the Associated Press that based on the terms of Beltran’s contract there was no need to get the Mets’ consent for the surgery.

Oh, sure. Why not? It’s not like they care that their starting centerfielder won’t be able to start in centerfield. I’m sure there’s no contractual reason to inform your employer that you won’t technically be able to perform the duties for which you are being paid. It’s not like the Mets could be out a large sum of money, right? Beltran was only expected to earn $18.5 million this season. And next.

Then there’s the timing of the surgery must certainly be an issue for the Mets and their fans. This guy suffered through knee pain for most of the past season and he waits until mid-January to have the surgery. The doctor says he won’t start “baseball related activities” for at least 12 weeks, which guarantees he’ll miss the first 2 days of the season. Then, and only then, will he try doing things like running, sliding and hitting a baseball. The guess here is you can count him out until May, at the earliest!

In 2009, the Mets saw $66.7 million – nearly half of their $139.1 million payroll – on the disabled list. That included most of their top talents such as Johan Santana, Jose Reyes, Carlos Delgado and, yes, Carlos Beltran. For the Mets to find out now that they are going into 2010 without one of their star players is like American Idol starting a new season without Paula Abdul’s incoherent ramblings – it hurts, but it makes sense.

Lastly, there’s the little matter of all of this having happened before. Way back in “The Year 2000!” Carlos Beltran was on the Royals’ DL (with a bruised right knee) and decided that he wanted to do his own rehab away from the team. The Royals suspended him, citing a provision in his contract that stipulated the team had the right to decide his medical treatment. Gosh, that sounds familiar...

So, who’s to blame in all this? Should Carlos have informed the Mets’ medical staff about his surgery? Seems to me those guys have about as good a track record as the kids on Grey’s Anatomy. Maybe Beltran just couldn’t find a spare table in the Mets’ training room. Or maybe, just maybe, he took that $18 million the Mets gave him and replaced the cartilage in his right knee with solid gold!

Mets fans can only dream…

This One's On Us

2010-01-13T09:35:00.006-07:00

Lost in the all of Mark McGwire’s blubbering re-write of baseball history was a remarkable joint statement from the Major League Baseball Players Association, the office of the Commissioner of Baseball (once and always used-car salesman Bud Selig) and the Florida Marlins.

The statement, released yesterday, essentially says: 1) the Players Association thinks the Marlins aren’t spending enough on players, 2) the Marlins think they are doing everything they can, and 3)MLB wishes everyone would just shut up.

Here’s the thing, revenue sharing has been a part of the game for almost 10 years now. Under this system the top-earning teams (re: the Yankees) provide a cut of their profits to the teams that make less (that would be your Marlins, Pirates, Royals, Nationals, etc). The idea is that this money will be spent on improving the quality of the on-field product and thus the bad teams get better and the playing field tilts to something slightly closer to level.

The problems with this system are many, not the least of which is there is no rule that says the teams receiving money necessarily have to put that money into player payroll. Several teams – such as the Pittsburgh Pirates and the aforementioned Florida Marlins – have often been accused of spending less on payroll than they receive from revenue sharing.

Here’s what Jayson Stark had to say regarding the Marlins (and Pirates) back in November (thanks to bizofbaseball for the link):

Your team collected more money this season -- before it ever sold one ticket -- than it spent on its entire major league payroll. In fact, it collected more than it spent on its major league payroll and its player-development system combined.

The official statement released yesterday likely came out at the urging of the Players’ Association (the Marlins certainly didn’t want to go public with this, and MLB is trying desperately to keep the whole thing under wraps). One of the MLBPA’s primary objectives is to see that all baseball players are compensated fairly, and the Marlins seem to be treating their players like David Letterman treats his assistants - they're paid poorly and screwed often.

I know what you're thinking, "Oh, those poor millionaires!" But look at it this way, the 2008 Marlins’ Opening Day roster had combined salaries of $21.8 million. By contrast, Alex Rodriguez made $28 million that season. The average MLB player earned $3.15 million. The Marlins’ top paid player in 2008, relief pitcher Kevin Gregg, earned $2.5 million. (Thanks to the San Francisco Gate for these admittedly out-of-date figures.)

Despite this, the 2009 Marlins started out 11-1 and went on to record their third-best season ever compiling an 87-75 record. They have a cheap young core of players headed by shortstop Hanley Ramirez and starting pitcher Josh Johnson. And they manhandled Miami-Dade County and the City of Miami into paying for the majority of the cost on a new state of the art stadium (see my past article on the subject: Changing the Fish Bowl).

In the end, what the Marlins are doing is not only within the rules of the game but it appears to be an incredibly viable strategy for constructing a Championship-caliber team … once every ten years or so. In the meantime, teams like the Yankees, Mets, Red Sox, Dodgers and Cubs will just have to pick up the tab.

No, no, don’t worry, Uncle Florida. It’s fine. This one’s on us.

Surprise!!!

2010-01-12T09:41:00.006-07:00

That’s right, I’m back! I bet you thought you’d heard the last from me. Well, you were wrong. After several months to contemplate all that has happened in the world of baseball, I have returned.

I nearly came out from hiding on the day that the Chicago Cubs traded Milton Bradley to the Seattle Mariners (the headline was going to be “CubNation’s Long National Nightmare Over, Seattle's Has Just Begun”). Milton has always been such a big part of this blog – it would have made a lot of sense to come back with my take on the trade.

Instead, I chose to surprise you! And what could be more appropriate than a story about the biggest surprise of my entire baseball-watching life:

Mark McGwire used steroids!!

That headline can't be bold or underlined enough. No amount of exclamation marks could ever convey our collective shock.

This is a crushing blow to the many lifelong fans of Big Mac. Many of us have been watching Mark play since he was just a little boy.

Over the years, we marveled at his great propensity for the long ball. We saw him grow into a big, BIG man with arms like a lumberjack and a neck as thick as Serena Williams' thighs.

We hung on Big Mac's every word during the senate hearings as he tearfully told us he did not come to talk about the past. Who could blame him? Wasn’t this the man who had saved baseball? Didn't we love him and cheer him on as he launched a then-record 70 home runs in 1998 for the cellar-dwelling Cardinals? This man was beyond reproach!

Well, he has news for us: He cheated.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, “We are shocked!”

My only hope is that Mark’s good friend Sammy was around to give him another awkward hug.

Fortunately for us all, the shock of this news has awoken me from my self-imposed blogging hiatus. Over the past several months, I’ve let far too many baseball events slip by with nary an acerbic comment from me. I feel I have done you all - my readers - a great disservice.

The important thing now is: I’m back! Tell your friends. Add me to your Reader feed. Sit on my home page and hit refresh over and over. (No, I’m sorry, you can’t follow me on Twitter. Lord knows I can’t keep my posts under 140 characters).

While I can’t promise a post a day as I have managed in the past, I can promise regular material of the quality you have all come to expect. As always, no area of the sport will be spared: On-field action, off-field extracurriculars, front office activity, ballpark nonsense, backroom dealings, even other reporters and bloggers.

If you have ideas for a post, please pass them along. It’s our job – once again – to shed light on the funnier side of this Imperfect Game that we all love so much.

Let's play ball!

Ace in the Hole

2009-07-31T15:06:00.005-07:00

The MLB trade deadline has now officially come and gone. This season’s deadline actually proved to be a fairly exciting and active one with more than a handful of trades going down and several of those of the significant variety.

Rather than give you a run down of all the deals that did go down, I’d rather talk about the one that didn’t: The Roy Halladay Trade.

Earlier this week, I described this likely non-trade as the second most annoying story in sports (after the long-reigning champion of the category Brett Favre). Just a few hours ago, all of the fuss and bother and tizzy of the past month built to a crescendo and then just at the last moment … fizzled completely.

Roy Halladay will not be traded. He will remain in Canadia, where his beard looks normal and he can enjoy all the pleasures of socialized medicine, ice fishing and scenic Toronto (the titular "Hole" for this "Ace" ...get it? ...OK, moving on).

After getting all hot and bothered about a potential move to a contending team such as the Red Sox, Yankees, Dodgers or Phillies, the national sports media must now content itself with pining for what could have been.

Baseball Tonight’s Peter Gammons says the Blue Jays are planning to contend next year and Halladay makes them a better team. I think that’s pretty wishful thinking. Unless the Jays decide to form a Canadian Baseball League, I’m pretty sure they’re still stuck in the same division as the Red Sox and Yankees, not to mention the Rays and the improving Orioles. Anyway, where do they get off trying to pull a “Wait til next year?” Don't they know that’s the Cubs’ shtick?

Jeff Passan of Yahoo! Sports thinks Toronto GM J.P. Ricciardi should lose his job for failing to deal his ace. Now this is the kind of thinking to which I subscribe. Here you have a hugely coveted pitcher in the next to last year of a big money deal playing top ball for a go-nowhere team. Yes, he may be the “face of the franchise,” but how many wins is that worth in 2011 when he’s getting paid $20 million by the Yankees to kick your butt?

Ricciardi had a chance to land several very-good-to-great prospects if even a portion of the rumors are true about some of the deals that were proposed. Heck, trading 1.5 years of expensive Halladay for 3-4 years of cheap Clay Buchholz alone may have been worth it. Landing a second prospect like Lars Anderson in the same deal make it a no-brainer.

Of course, the trade rumors that crop up at this time of year (or come to think of it any time of year) can not be trusted. We may never really know what Toronto turned down.

What we do know is that Roy Halladay is a Toronto Blue Jay, for better or for worse, and for at least the next 3 months, we don’t have to hear about him any more.

High Seas Traders, Catch, Swollen Colon, On a Stay-cation

2009-07-29T14:38:00.009-07:00

When I go a few days without a post, I always feel the need to comment on everything all at once. I’m just not willing let these wacky and wild stories slip through the cracks of the inter-tubes. That means it’s time again for me to cobble together several small headlines into one long humorously intriguing headline.

Last time, it was Killer Bees, Unit Injured & It Was a Slaughter. Today, you get "High Seas Traders, Catch, Swollen Colon, On a Stay-cation". OK, so it's more "intriguing" than it is "humorous".

Just enjoy today's post!

High Seas Traders
The Pirates and Mariners agreed to a seven-player deal earlier today. Seattle gets 2 major leaguers, Ian Snell and Jack Wilson, while Pittsburgh snags minor leaguers Jeff Clement, Aaron Pribanic, Brett Lori and Nathan Adcock along with once-and-future major leaguer Ronny Cedeno (Andy Dolan of the great Chicago Cubs blog Desipio.com will tell you that Ronny just may be the dumbest player to have ever attempted to lace up his cleats).

If you ask me, both of these teams are just swabbing the deck of the Titanic – they’re both going down and going down hard.

That said, if the Pirates really are eating most of the salary for Snell and Wilson, then the Mariners didn’t do so bad. Of course, they just landed two guys that couldn’t cut it for the Pirates, so I’m not so sure they’re any better off.

Catch
If you haven’t seen footage of the “best catch of the year” stop what you’re doing and watch this video (unless “what you’re doing” is “reading my blog” then please by all means continue).

(Note: Former used-car salesman, Bud Selig and his lawyers have removed all YouTube copies of Delwyn's amazing catch. God forbid the unwashed masses share their love of this sport with their friends. For the MLB-authorized version of this video please see this link presented with the expressed written consent of the Commissioner of Major League Baseball - all hail his name!)

Sure it’s not the “Immaculate Reception” or Nebraska’s “Flea Kicker” or even David Tyree’s amazing catch for the New York football Giants in the Super Bowl. But it was pretty darn special and Delwyn Young deserves recognition for his efforts!

Of course, it would have been a lot more special if the umpire hadn’t blown the call. Ouch!

Swollen Colon
The White Sox put starting pitcher Bartolo Colon on the DL because of swelling in his pitching elbow. That is terrible news for Colon, but probably good news for the White Sox considering Bartolo is lugging around a 4.19 ERA, a 1.44 WHIP and a 50-inch waist.

what's more, Colon has only managed to appear in 12 games for the White Sox all season thanks to a previous trip to the DL due to swelling in his knee.

Could it be that this guy is just prone to swelling?

On a Stay-cation?
Now that the most annoying story of the past decade (Brett Favre’s will-he-won’t-he-who-gives-a-damn-is-he-crying-again? decision) has finally reach its conclusion, it’s time to check in on the most annoying story of the past 2 weeks: The Possible Roy Halladay Trade.

Who are the potential suitors? The Phillies just said “screw it” and traded instead for Cleveland’s Cliff Lee. The Rangers aren’t willing to give up the three top prospects that Toronto is demanding. Toronto turned down the Angel’s three top prospects. The Yankees say they don’t have enough money (Wait…What? You heard me!)

So, that leaves the Red Sox, Dodgers and Rays. One of these teams is going to have to go completely overboard here. I just don’t see Red Sox GM Theo Epstein giving up the kind of talent it’s going to take to make this deal. The Rays have always been far too in love with their kids to make the big move. The Dodgers just gave up the farm last year to get Manny.

At the danger of having to eat my digital words later this week, I don’t think a deal is going to get done by Friday’s deadline. The Blue Jays, who should be in full-on sell mode, are demanding the moon for their ace pitcher. If they are unwilling to compromise, Roy Halladay will likely be ~~stuck in his Canadian hell-hole~~ pitching for the Jays for at least a few more months.

He may be the only Cy Young winning pitcher never to appear in a playoff game, but at least he'll still have the powder-blue uniform and affordable government-sponsored healthcare. Right?

Well That's Just Perfect!

2009-07-23T15:42:00.007-07:00

There I was wracking my brain trying to come up with something good to blog about (you were this close to getting a Roy Halladay/Matt Holliday Uma/Oprah column), and I see the headline: Buehrle completes perfect game.

Well there you go!

Mark Buehrle, whose name I have always have to spell three times before I get it right (I think it’s the silent and superfluous “h” that gets me), completely dominated the Tampa Bay Rays this afternoon. This of course makes Jonathan Sanchez's no hitter look like a pile of refried beans.

Buehrle did it like he always does, working quickly and throwing strikes. He went to a three-ball count on just 4 of the 27 batters he faced. He had first-pitch strikes on 19 of them. Total game time was just about 2 hours on the dot. He was the very model of pitching efficiency.

Every no-hitter and perfect game has its fair share of defensive gems, and while this one didn’t have many moments of panic for Sox fans, the one that it did have was downright awesome. In the ninth inning, DeWayne Wise, who had been brought in as a defensive replacement in centerfield, made a leaping grab at the wall to rob Gabe Kapler of a home run and save the special day for Buehrle. The catch was spectacular, and if you get a chance check out the video here.

Just two batters later, the ~~17th~~ 18th perfect game in Major League Baseball history was in the bag.

After the obligatory pitcher-catcher hug with Ramon Castro, the mob of teammates, and the traditional pie to the face, Ozzie Guillen was there to congratulate the hurler. I’m sure Oz said something nice, like “Great pitching today, ace.” Of course it probably came out more like, “Goat pinching toad ass.” And I’m sure Buehrle just smiled and nodded like he always does.

A few moments later, President Barack Obama, a diehard White Sox fan, called to congratulate the pitcher, not just for the perfect game, but also for Buehrle’s ability to get the ball all the way from the mound to the plate without it touching the ground. The President finds that most impressive.

The best story making the rounds, though, has to be the one from before the game even started. Mark Buehrle found out that his regular catcher, A.J. Pierzynski, would not be behind the plate for the game. Mark told A.J. he was sorry they wouldn’t get to work the game together. A.J. told him it was no problem and said, “I hope you go out there and throw a no hitter.” Buehrle reminded him that they had already done that back in 2007. So A.J. said, “Fine, then make it a perfect game.”

Classic!

I know a lot of Cubs fans out there will just shrug and say “who cares” at the news that a White Sox player threw a perfect game. That’s not me though. I love baseball too much to not care about an accomplishment this big.

Congratulations, Mark Buehrle!

Shaq vs. Pujols

2009-07-20T12:42:00.007-07:00

Someone (re: Shaq) came up with the brilliant (re: silly) idea for a new reality show in which Shaquille O’Neal faces off against star athletes from other sports in their respective sports. Already in the lineup is “Shaq vs. Albert Pujols” in a baseball contest of some sort.

First off, I would like to point out that of late the term “reality” is getting thrown around willy-nilly. There is nothing remotely “realistic” about the concept for this show. If it were not for the TV cameras, the ad dollars and the support of several key charities, these sporting contests would never take place.

If your definition of a reality show is that the “stars” of the show are not actors and there is no script, then maybe this qualifies. In my book, The Real World was pretty close to being a reality show. Big Brother is sort of a reality show. Survivor, Bachelorette, etc…those are game shows.

“Shaq vs.” is in a different category entirely. I would say it’s more of a sur-reality show. Which is why I will most certainly be watching.

Secondly, if you are the Cleveland Cavaliers and have recently made a huge trade to pry Shaq away from the Phoenix Suns to help LeBron James make a major championship push, how do you sign off on this inter-sport mayhem? Shaq is 37! His knees are 73! Do you really want to gamble that he can swing a bat, dive for volleyballs and run around a tennis court without straining, spraining or breaking one of his over-sized body parts?

Lastly, I would like to point out that the lineup for the show is pretty much a collection of the best athletes in the world. Most would agree that Albert Pujols is the top baseball player in the game at the moment. Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympic swimmer ever, and not even a year removed from dominating the world. Serena Williams? Misty May-Treanor & Kerri Walsh?

These people embarrass other people who play their sports professionally! How do you think Shaq is going to come off?

The only one who should probably be afraid of actually losing is Oscar De La Hoya. You get in the boxing ring with Shaq and I’m pretty sure based on wingspan alone, he’s got a good shot. With his comparatively tiny little arms, De La Hoya may not even be able to reach Shaq's head.

As for Albert Pujols, I’m fairly certain that his position amongst the baseball elite will remain intact after this show airs. After wiping the diamond with Shaq, he can go back to leading the league in home runs (34), RBIs (90), walks (73), slugging (.730), and on-base percentage (.456). Oh, and he’s currently second in the NL in batting average (.333), which makes him a good bet to be the first player since Carl Yastremski in 1967 to win the Triple Crown.

Even as a Cubs fan raised to despise the St. Louis Cardinals, I can’t ignore what Albert Pujols is doing this season. Sure, I can make fun of the man for pretending to be 29 years old when clearly he is older than Shaq’s knees, but I cannot deny his supreme talent. Amazing!

Shaq should consider this match-up a win if he merely comes away looking foolish.

All-Star Breaking

2009-07-17T11:05:00.006-07:00

Welcome back from the annual All-Star Break, everyone! It was a long, hard 3 days without meaningful baseball (I refuse to believe that “this time it counts”).

While the All-Star Game and various trappings that go along with it can be fun and entertaining, there just seems to be something lacking lately. I mean, when a guy leaps up to make an amazing grab to steal a home run, it should be exciting right? So, why was I the one feeling ... robbed?

Every year, every baseball writer puts together an article bashing the All-Star Game or offering up their own proposal for how to fix it. This year was no different: You have Randy Youngman’s Top 10 Ways to fix the All-Star Game, Bleacher Report’s How to Fix MLB’s All-Star Game, Jerry Crasnick’s All Star game still stuck in the middle, Keith Law’s All-Star follies come with selections (this one is for ESPN Insider’s only... yes, you have to pay to find out how bad the All-Star rosters were), and 619 Sports Talk’s Fixing the All-Star Game.

So, are all of these baseball “experts” right? Is the Midsummer Classic broken?

If you ask me, when the most talked-about moment of the night comes before the game even starts, it’s a bad sign. But that was the case this year.

After the game, there may have been a few people chatting about Carl Crawford’s homerun-saving catch or Albert Pujols’ 0-for-3 with an error performance or how the National League still hasn’t won in 13 years. But for the most part, everyone was talking about President Barack Obama throwing out the first pitch.

Deadspin even had an article on Fixing the President’s Throwing Motion, which included analysis from some big names like Baseball Prospectus' Will Carroll and Mark Prior's mentor Tom House. (The short story is our President has a serviceable stride toward the plate, but his release point is a little short, his opposite-and-equal was barely adequate and needs a little bend and push with his knees as he comes through. No, seriously.)

MLB Commissioner and used-car salesman Bud Selig declared the All-Star Game experience to be “four great triumphant days for baseball,” which is odd because the All-Star break is only 3 days. It’s also odd because I don’t feel there was any great triumph for baseball. Only fairly hardcore fans get into things like the Futures Game and some of the other satellite events. The Home Run derby was a snore-fest once again (like many athletes who used them, steroids have left this event feeling rather impotent).

And while I don't have a big issue with the All-Star Game deciding home field advantage in the World Series (it used to just rotate based on odd and even years), it's obvious that the Game itself is lacking any heightened drama.

As long as everyone else is throwing their hat into the ring on this issue, I may as well add my two cents (total cost to me: 2 cents and 1 hat).

Here's my quick and dirty fix for the All-Star Game: Let the fans vote in their 8 starting position players (9 if we must use the DH), a starting pitcher and a closer. Let the managers pick 6 bench players and the bullpen (limited to 12 pitchers total – starters or relievers). That's enough to do some pinch hitting and get into extra innings if necessary. Most importantly, and perhaps the biggest change: The manager MUST play to win the game.

You want to know why the NL will never win? Their offense is never deep enough. By the fifth inning both teams are bringing in the reserves trying to get everyone a chance to hit. When the AL is subbing in the likes of Justin Morneau, Kevin Youkilis, Evan Longoria and Carl Crawford, the National League gets to turn to Brad Hawpe, Jason Werth, Orlando Hudson and Hunter Pence.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, down by only one run, the National League saw Justin Upton, Brad Hawpe and Miguel Tejada go down 1-2-3. If not for needless substitutions, that would have been Ryan Braun, Raul Ibanez and David Wright.

Basically, this game was over in the top of the fifth when the NL Scrub All-Stars came into the game. That also happens to be exactly when I stopped watching.

So, thanks for the Break, Bud! Now, everybody back to work!

The Great Jonathan Sanchez, No Really!

2009-07-12T09:39:00.012-07:00

You didn't think I was going to let a rare no-no go by without a post, did you? Not a chance!

As you've no doubt heard by now, San Francisco Giants pitcher Jonathan Sanchez threw a no hitter against the San Diego Padres. All of the internets people are either heaping praise on the young man or deriding the poor Padres. No matter how it happened, it is a cause for celebration (unless you're a Padres fan, in which case ... uh, have another beer and just remember that you get to live in San Diego).

Jonathan Sanchez has been one of the Giants' top pitching prospects for several years now, but hasn't even been able to get it together for any long stretches of time. In fact, Sanchez came into the game with a 2-8 record and a 5.50 ERA. He had recently been sent down to AAA to figure things out and only started this game for the Giants because Randy Johnson went on the DL (or as we all agreed, "Injured Unit Pulled Early").

Now Sanchez joins the ranks of the many unlikely pitchers to throw a no-hitter. Throughout the recent past we've seen the likes of Anibal Sanchez, Jose Jiminez and Bud Smith. Even Sanchez's manager, Bruce Bochy had to point out, "If you look at this staff [with Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, Randy Johnson and heck, even Barry Zito], he wouldn't be the one you'd pick."

My favorite reaction to this event was from my cousin Courtney's blog post:

I stood with him for the last few pitches in honor of what was happening. The first no hitter for a Giant since 1976! Also, I will admit to all that I almost cried watching Jonathan Sanchez's dad hug him after the game and kiss his cheek. It was amazing.

Hearing that sentiment I am reminded of the profound effect that this game can have on even the casual fan. Moments like the one between Sanchez and his dad are theirs to cherish forever, and we got to share in the fun.

For the next day or two the countless YouTube videos like the one below will remain online. Eventually, Bud Selig and his cronies will get around to shutting them all down. After all, they are not being broadcast with express written consent of the Commissioner of Major League Baseball (all hail his glory).

For now, enjoy the low-res glory of some guy video taping his TV set:

(VIDEO REMOVED AT THE IMPLIED ORAL REQUEST OF THE COMMISSIONER OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL, ALL HAIL HIS GLORY)

Thank you, Jonathan Sanchez!

Pirates Pitcher Gets Win Over Astros for Nationals

2009-07-10T09:07:00.005-07:00

If someone were to stumble on this blog these last couple weeks, you might get the impression that it is dedicated to the Washington Nationals. It's not. Heck, I'm not even a fan of the Nationals. In fact, I don't really consider them important enough to dislike.

So, why is every other article about them? My only answer is that weird things just keep happening to and around this team. Between all the losing, the bad decisions, and of course misspelling their own team's name, it's been a rough year in DC.

My most recent Nationals-related post was about their trade with the Pittsburgh Pirates. In that trade the Nats gave up closer Joel Hanrahan. Well, last night, a week after the trade, Hanrahan earned the win in Washington's game against the Houston Astros.

So, how does a guy who plays for the Pittsburgh Pirates win the game for the Washington Nationals in Houston while hanging out in his Philadelphia hotel room?

Glad you asked!

Back on May 5 the Nationals-Astros game was suspended due to rain. At the time the game was called, it was tied 10-10 in the top of the 11th and Joel Hanrahan had just finished pitching the previous inning. In fact, Hanrahan was on deck and certainly would have been replaced with a pinch-hitter, in which case, this little baseball peculiarity may not have played out quite the same way.

Flash forward to last night. The two teams finally get around to finishing off the suspended game. Astros pitcher LaTroy Hawkins gives up a base hit and shortstop Miguel Tejada blows a perfect double-play opportunity by throwing the ball away and the Nationals score the winning run.

As the pitcher of record, Joel Hanrahan earns his first win of the season despite being thousands of miles away and playing for a different team.

The icing on this proverbial baseball-shaped cake is that Nyger Morgan, who was acquired in the trade that sent Hanrahan to Pittsburgh, pinch ran for Elijah Dukes, who has since been sent to the minors. It was Morgan who came around to score the winning run for the Nationals.

All told, it took less than 10 minutes to complete a game that took over 2 months to become official.

All of the stats are attributed to players as of May 5. So, for you stat geeks out there, you can credit Joel Hanrahan with a win for the team that traded him a week ago and Nyger Morgan with a run scored for a team that he had not yet joined. In total, on May 5, Nyger Morgan was 1-5 for the Pirates against Milwaukee and scored a run for the Nationals against Houston. Busy man.

If you really want to blow your mind, consider if Hanrahan had been sent to an American League team. In that case, his record would have remained the same currently but would have changed in the past, which I believe was the tentative story line for Back to the Future IV.

In the immortal words of Marty McFly: "This is heavy!"

Killer Bees, Unit Injured & It Was a Slaughter

2009-07-07T13:18:00.007-07:00

Well, it’s been a little while since my last post, so I thought I would take a break from traditional format (really, really long posts about one particular baseball inanity) and get caught up on some of the smaller stories from the past few days.

KILLER BEES
Over the weekend, a swarm of bees invaded PetCo Park in San Diego forcing the Padres and Astros to halt their game for nearly an hour as an exterminator was brought in to dispose of the bugs.

You can check out the video highlights from the game here. This is good stuff, and frankly I think it speaks for itself. I particularly liked the beekeeper playing to the crowd after brutally murdering thousands of innocent insects and then shoveling them into a bag.

UNIT INJURED
Since most of my fan base resides in the great city of San Francisco, I would be remiss if I did not mention the big Giants news that hit just yesterday. Randy Johnson tweaked his shoulder while batting and landed on the DL.

“Big Unit Lands on DL” is the headline that most legit newspapers are running with today.

Here on the internet, where there are no rules for decency, I have received many reader-submitted headline ideas that would make most editors blush. For instance: “Giants’ Big Unit Not Up to the Job,” and “Aging Unit Hurt Swinging,” or my favorite “Injured Unit Pulled Early”.

And those are just the ones I wasn't too shy to run. They all read like the latest commercial for Viagra. As always, I appreciate the ideas and welcome all submissions. Just try to remember that this is a family website.

IT WAS A SLAUGHTER
When young Johnny Cueto took the mound for the Cincinnati Reds last night, he sported a 2.69 earned run average and was coming off one of his best games of the season. He left the mound after what probably felt like an eternity having recorded 2 outs while giving up 5 hits and 9 earned runs!

His ERA for the game was 121.50! What I want to know is, what was it about the ninth run scored - as opposed to the seventh or eighth - that made Reds manager Dusty Baker say, “You know, dude, I think this kid has had enough.”

The Phillies ended up scoring 22 runs in the game handing the Reds their worst loss in team history.

After the game, the always quotable Dusty Baker said: “We got slaughtered as they used to say.”

I got news for you Dusty, when you get beat 22-1 “they” still say that!

Nationals Blunder = Pirates Plunder

2009-06-30T15:22:00.008-07:00

[Editor's Note: Sorry for the delay in posting, but I've been on vacation. I actually wrote this story a couple days ago, but it's taken me some time to get it posted. Humor me - wherever it says "today" just read "several days ago". Thanks and enjoy!]

Today, the smart and savvy Washington Nationals have solidified their standing as the worst organization in professional baseball (as if spelling their own name wrong wasn't enough). It was not easy. There were a lot of really bad teams in the running for the honor. They really needed to prove that they had what it takes to hold a press conference and announce the world, "No other team in the game of baseball today can possibly compete with our undeniable depths of ineptitude."

I didn't think they could do it, but today they proved that the Washington Nationals are actually worse than the Pittsburgh Pirates. And they made sure of it, by sending 2 cheap and talented young players to the Steel City in exchange for a couple of guys that might have been a great fit on the bench of a good team. Instead, they will be starting for the Nats!

Tim Dierkes' http://www.mlbtraderumors.com/ helped break the trade news today that the Nationals were parting ways with troubled budding superstar Lastings Milledge and once-and-future closer Joel Hanrahan in exchange for the Pirate's speedster outfielder Nyger Morgan and a nice relief pitcher in Sean Burnett. Reactions from around the intertubes can be found here, here, here, here and here.

The immediate reaction from most everyone around baseball was a collective, "Huh?" Why would Washington give up so much talent for a fourth outfielder and a middle reliever? Sure both Milledge and Hanrahan suffer from severe mental problems, but that can only help them to survive the rigors of playing for (and living in) Pittsburgh.

I like to think about the phone call that acting Nationals General Manager, Mike Rizzo placed to his counterpart, Neal Huntington, the new GM of the Pirates. I imagine that Huntington, upon hearing the Nat's offer, probably had to put the call on hold for a moment to talk this one over with his colleagues.

Pirates GM Neal Huntington [with his hand over the phone]: The Nationals want us to take a chance on a potential All-Star outfielder and their Big League closer.
Pirates Manager John Russell: What are they asking for?
Huntington: Nyger Morgan and Sean Burnett.
Russell: What else?
Huntington: Nothing else...that's it.
Russell: Are the Nationals suddenly in the playoff hunt?
Huntington: No. They're still 18 games out of the Wild Card race.
Russell: Are Milledge and Hanrahan infected with a highly contagious airborne pathogen that kills on contact? Does Nyger Morgan have some hidden talent that we don't know about, like the ability to turn empty seats into beer concessions? Is Mike Rizzo suffering from some extreme form of grief following the recent swathe of celebrity deaths?
Huntington: Not that I know of.
Russell: Then why haven't you told Rizzo you'll make the deal yet?
Huntington: I feel it would be rude to accept their offer while I'm still laughing.

So, the Pirates, who weren't going anywhere any time soon give up two guys that weren't going to get them anywhere anytime soon and they bring in a couple guys that have serious potential and are under team control for a few years.

The Nationals prove to me and the world that not only are they going no where any time soon. But they're going to do everything in their power to get there today!

Broken Bat Impales Shortstop (Was Nearly Today's Headline)

2009-06-25T14:12:00.007-07:00

During yesterday's scintillating Red Sox-Nationals affair, Boston's shortstop Nick Green nearly lost his life. Elijah Dukes broke his bat on a one-hopper hit right at Green. The head of the bat, now equipped with a razor-sharp point where the bat handle used to be, actually got to Green faster than the ball.

The bat head bounced once directly in front of poor Nick and then careened harmlessly off his forearm.

The shortstop-seeking missile then flipped end over end high up into the sky out of view of the camera.

Foolishly thinking the danger had past, Nick turned to retrieve the ball, which he had let skip past him into the outfield. When the bat head came down it barely missed spearing Green yet again.

Having failed in its mission to kill the Red Sox brightest young utility player, the bat head stuck dramatically point-first into the playing field, a clear and ominous message to all shortstops.

The old baseball doomsayers will tell you that this never used to happen before they started making bats out of maple, a material which is apparently lighter than the typical ash and god-forbid pine. More and more players are turning to maple bats because the reduced weight allows for an extra millisecond or two of added speed through the strike zone. And now that they don't have steroids, they'll take any edge they can get.

Of course, the downside is that maple bats seem to break with greater frequency than bats made from other materials, and when they do, they do not shatter into many tiny harmless pieces. Instead they splinter into large, sharp projectiles with heat-seeking capabilities and murder in their wooden hearts. At least, that's what some in the mainstream baseball media would have you believe.

So, what are they going to do about it? They can't just outlaw maple can they? I suppose they could, but a lot of players would be upset and the makers of maple bats would be out of business. Not to mention those poor ash and pine trees who would pay the highest price of all.

So, instead MLB is trying to regulate the bat-makers by setting guidelines for the size, shape, weight and particularly the thickness of the bats.

Will these regulations prevent the catastrophe that now seems certain to befall some unwary shortstop, second baseman or third base coach? Maybe, but probably not.

Bats will still break. Pieces will still fly into the field of play (and sometimes even into the stands). Eventually, someone will get seriously hurt. And when they do, people will be up in arms. MLB will probably install nets to protect the fans or force the players to wear uniforms made from bubble-wrap. It will be high comedy when it happens ... I mean except for the person who got seriously hurt.

As for Nick Green, if the movie Final Destination has taught me anything it's that you can't cheat death forever. Eventually, it will catch up with him. If the movie is any guide, he will likely succumb to a locker room mishap involving a pair of recently sharpened cleats, a malfunctioning pitching machine and a poorly discarded mouthful of chewing tobacco.

For now, though, Green can breathe a sigh of relief and count his lucky stars that the bat head hopped the way it did. A little to the left or a little to the right and he really would have made some headlines...

Joel Zumaya Caught Speeding

2009-06-24T13:43:00.007-07:00

In last night’s Tigers game, this happened:

The guy that just struck out is Milton Bradley, but we’re not going to talk about him again. I think that road has been well trodden.

No, I would like to talk about the little number in the top left corner of the screen: 104 MPH. That’s the stadium speed reading on the last pitch thrown by Tiger’s relief pitcher Joel Zumaya. 104 MPH!

Why is this significant? Because it’s never been done. Ever!

Sure, maybe someone out there has thrown that fast before, but never during the broadcast of a major league game. It’s never been done with unequivocal proof in the form of an icon on your TV screen. If this game had been showing on Fox Sports, your TV would have burst into flames!

Zumaya’s teammate, Justin Verlander, has been clocked during a live game at 103 MPH. There have been a couple other guys who have hit that velocity as well, but they are few and far between.

Until last night, no one had broken through to 104. The blog Detroit4lyfe has a nice article about the achievement this morning.

So, Joel Zumaya is some sort of superhuman mutant who can never be defeated by the likes of mere mortals, right? Unfortunately for the Tigers, not so much. The next batter, Derrek Lee, singled to center field.

That’s when Zumaya, owner of the recently dubbed “fastest pitch ever,” decides to throw an 85 MPH changeup to Cubs DH Micah Hoffpauir, who proceeds to launch the ball out of the park for a game-changing go-ahead two-run homer run. This just goes to show that being able to throw the ball at insane speeds is no replacement for knowing how to pitch.

Cubs announcer Bob Brenley thought Zumaya probably should have thrown a different pitch:

"That's one of the stupidest pitches I've ever seen. How does a guy that throws a 104 mph fastball with a snap curveball think its smart to throw a change in any situation?" [Thanks to the Friendly Blogfines for the quote.]

Zumaya and the Tigers were bailed out just one inning later when Cubs closer Kevin Gregg tried to sneak his meager 95 MPH fastball by the great Ryan Raburn, who turned on the pitch and sent it soaring over the fence walk-off style.

Cubs lose! Cubs lose!

Lost in the shuffle of this dramatic come-from-behind, come-from-ahead loss was the fact that a new frontier had been reached. A man has thrown a ball 104 miles per hour. Either that or the stadium gun was just a little off last night.

Hey, anything to distract from the Sammy, Manny, A-Rod sideshow, right?

Enjoy the highlights from the game:

MLBPA No Longer Ruled By Fehr, Will Be Led By Weiner

2009-06-23T11:49:00.011-07:00

To be honest, this story is mostly the result of not wanting to waste a good punny headline.

Everyone on the inter-tubes has already written an article on Donald Fehr stepping down as executive director of the Major League baseball Players Association and being replaced by the union's general counsel Michael Weiner.

You can read those articles here, here, here, here and a million different other places. But it's more likely that you came here to find out what I think.

My only real opinion of Donald Fehr comes from half-understood and emotionally charged stories about him from the time leading up to and during the baseball strike that wiped out most of the 1994 season as well as the World Series and took most of the 1995 season with it. He is always portrayed by the media as an immovable, insufferable jerk. Looking back, it was more likely that he was the perfect representative for a group containing a vocal majority of selfish, overpaid jerks looking to get rich-er and a bunch of other guys that just wanted to play baseball but weren't going to rock the boat.

Donald Fehr got the players pretty much everything they ever wanted in those negotiations: The right to earn as much money as the baseball economy would bear and the right to secretly inject themselves with whatever substances they believed might better their careers.

In the early 2000s, Fehr's steadfast refusal to relinquish any of his clients' rights and admit that some of them may be using steroids and other drugs at great risk to themselves and the game of baseball, directly or indirectly led to the escalation of the biggest scandal the sport has seen since the Black Sox.

It wasn't all bad news though. In his 26 years as head of the MLBPA, Donald Fehr saw the average salary of a Major League baseball player go from $289,000 to $2.9 million. So, basically he added a zero to the end of every player's paycheck.

While there is no doubt that he left behind a great legacy for baseball players, what he helped to take from baseball back in 1994-95 will never be made up. Just ask the Montreal Expos, who were clearly the cream of the National League and were likely headed for the World Series instead of a going-out-of-business sale that saw them lose Larry Walker, Cliff Floyd, Moises Alou, Will Cordero and Pedro Martinez. Not even the 136 combined home runs hit by Sosa and McGuire in 1998 will bring that magic back.

Donald Fehr is renowned as a brilliant mind and I don't take anything away from his intelligence or his allegiance to the players. With him stepping down, and Bud Selig slowly disappearing into his ill-fitting suit, maybe baseball is finally turning a corner.

It certainly is the end of an era for the MLB Players Association. Weiner will have his hands full with the players' careers. Sounds about right for guys that spend their careers with their hands full of ... well, you know.

News To No One

2009-06-17T11:08:00.009-07:00

The New York Times “broke the story” yesterday that Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids back in 2003. This comes as news to absolutely no one – except perhaps Sammy Sosa himself, who will probably just flash his big smile, shrug naively and tell you he just takes his “Flintstone vitamins.”

Everyone in the world of baseball journalism is putting out their own spin on Sammy Sosa. The stories run the gamut of emotions.

On one side you have White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen’s sadness (what follows is loosely translated from Guillen’s native language of Slurred-Spanglish): "Really sad, really sad," he said, "and we all should be embarrassed. No matter how you put it, you're not gonna win ...”

On the other side you have former Cubs broadcaster Steve Stone, who always blamed Sammy's poor batting eye on the difference between the sunny pitcher's mound and shaded home plate. Stone's goal in this quote appears to be deflecting any and all implication of blame from himself: "It wasn't our job to check out what guys did, or didn't do. It wasn't my place as a broadcaster to ever question who did what. My feeling is Sammy did what he did. I think he will pay the same price as a lot of other guys from the steroid era."

Across the board, the quotes you will see all reflect an utter lack of shock at this “shocking” revelation. For example, here is Lance Berkman’s complete lack of surprise: "That's not that surprising at all," Berkman said before the Astros played at Texas yesterday. "There are just certain guys that you pretty much know without coming out and making an out and out accusation, but it does not surprise me, not even a little bit." (I wonder if he was pantomiming Jeff Bagwell's ridiculous batting stance when he said, "There are just certain guys...")

The list of articles goes on: You have Rob Neyer writing Sammy off for the Hall of Fame, Howard Bryant calling for a “special outrage” and a whole host of Chicago sports writers who cheered Sammy in 1998 and later helped run him out of town and now get another chance to remind us what a bad guy Sammy was.

If I am honest with myself, I have to admit that I cheered as hard as anyone for Sammy Sosa. In 1998, when he and Mark McGuire were hitting home runs every other at bat, I was ecstatic and thoroughly oblivious. In his later Cubs years I was defensive – you might even say I was a Sosa apologist.

With the help of his "Flintstone vitamins" Sammy was the Cubs’ best player – possibly ever – certainly in my lifetime. From what I could tell back then, he was affable, he played to the fans and he was a character. As the years wore on and the accusations grew louder, Sosa became a caricature of himself. He got bigger, swung harder, hopped higher and seemed to live in the same fantasy land that guys like Michael Jackson, Mel Gibson and Spencer Pratt inhabit. Like by virtue of his own "celebrity" he was above reproach.

My friends and I joked that in 2003, Evil Sammy replaced our beloved hero. Evil Sammy corked his bat, was always injured, struck out swinging at breaking balls in the dirt and did his silly hop whenever he’d hit a long fly ball that would inevitably land securely in the outfielder’s mitt somewhere just shy of the warning track. Fortunately, it was easy to spot Evil Sammy. Like any bad movie, Evil Sammy had a distinguishing feature to help the audience tell one from the other. Evil Sammy was the one with the goatee.

I don’t know what Sammy’s facial hair status is these days, but it hardly matters any more. In 2003, he lied to Congress and apparently and conveniently forgot how to speak English. He was run out of Chicago after refusing to play in the final game of another losing season and an anonymous teammate commemorated that final game by taking a bat to Sosa’s 1980s-era boombox.

When he was traded to Baltimore (or “Botey-Mo” as Sammy would call it) for Jerry Hairston Jr., David Crouthers and a lawn gnome, the Windy City bid him good riddance, set his jersey on fire and ran it up the Sears Tower. Like Michael Jordan’s days with the Wizards, Sammy’s career officially ended when he left Chicago.

Just a couple of weeks ago, Sammy Sosa officially retired from baseball (i.e. after 2 years of sitting around his house in the Dominican, he finally realized no one was going to hire his ass) then yesterday the steroid allegations went from likely to confirmed.

A lot of the articles you read (or avoid) will be about whether or not this affects Sosa’s chances at being enshrined in baseball’s Hall of Fame. If we’re talking Evil Sammy – then no, there’s no way he should have a place among the legends of the game.

If we’re talking about the guy who still lives in my circa-1998 memories, the one who hit balls onto Waveland with uncanny regularity, the one who circled the bases with an American flag in hand shortly after 9/11, the one who acknowledged to the world that “baseball’s been berry berry good to me?” That guy should be in the Hall of Fame.

Unfortunately, that guy was never real. But we already knew that.

Jonathan Papelbon is a Little Slow

2009-06-15T14:05:00.006-07:00

MLB decided to hand down another pointless fine recently.

Jonathan Papelbon, the Red Sox closer, was relieved of 1,000 of his hard-earned dollars for a “pace of game” violation. After receiving multiple warnings from the powers-that-be, the Commissioner of Major League Baseball (an all-powerful former used-car-salesman named Bud Selig), could no longer sit idly by and watch as Papelbon took longer than the allotted two-and-a-half minutes to get in his 8 prescribed warm-up pitches.

Seriously? I have so many issues with this, I don’t know where to begin.

First let’s talk about the target of this fine, Jonathan Papelbon. He’s a closer, which means he may see game action 3 or 4 times a week, tops. When he does, he gets one inning, which means 8 warm-up tosses lasting no more than 2.5 minutes a session. All told, we’re looking at 10 minutes of “game time.” If he wants to take an extra minute to stretch, by all means, have at it.

The real issue for baseball is that the “game time” is actually "commercial time". Pap gets 2:30 because that’s five 30-second spots on NESN or ESPN or YES or whoever happens to be carrying the game that night. When he takes longer, the TV audience at home has to watch him warm up and possibly has to hear someone like (god forbid) Joe Morgan rattle on about his playing days or who should and should not be afforded an entrance into the Hall of Fame. But I digress.

The audience in the stands is also “inconvenienced” to the tune of an extra minute. Those poor saps are held captive and all they can do is anxiously await the breathless drama yet to unfold in the ninth inning as the fate of their team hangs in the balance. Oh wait – that’s actually a good thing! It builds tension and excitement in a game that too often is devoid of those things.

Listen, baseball is a pastoral game. It always has been and it remains part of it’s charm. This is not basketball or football, nor should it be. There is no clock. The game will end when it is over. And when it does finally end, the drunk Red Sox fan lying next to you will invariably look up from the pile of peanut shells that comprise his pillow and he’ll ask, “Hey, did the Sawx win?”

We all enjoy the game in our own way. Dodgers fans like arrive about halfway through the fourth inning and leave in the top of the seventh to avoid traffic. Cubs fans like to talk on their cell phones and wave maniacally any time they think there's a chance that they're on TV. Phillies fans like to arrive early and leave only when security escorts them out. Marlins fans … well, there’s no such thing.

Only Commissioner Selig and his lackeys enjoy the game by sitting around a stop-watch between innings waiting to see who goes over their arbitrarily decided-upon time limits. Then they dole out their violations and rack up their tiny little pittance in fines.

Why don’t they really make it interesting for the fans? Maybe the next time Papelbon takes too long to warm up there should be a siren and flashing red lights going off. Maybe a giant rubber chicken drops down from the rafters and laughs at the closer. The public address announcer can come on and tell the crowd that the pitcher has exceeded his time limit and will be removed from the game followed by a sad noise (WAH WAH waaaaaaahhhhh). This could become the most exciting 2 minutes and 30 seconds in sports!

After all, isn't that what this game is all about?

Strasburg Who? Meet The New "Lebron James of Baseball"

2009-06-04T11:27:00.009-07:00

If you haven’t seen the cover of the new Sports Illustrated yet, here it is:

That man on the cover? That’s Bryce Harper. He’s 16 years old. He’s a sophomore at Las Vegas High School. He won’t be eligible for the Major League baseball draft for another 2 years, though if his parents have their way, it’ll happen next year.

Here is a sample from Tom Verducci’s article:

He has hit the longest home run in the history of Tropicana Field, home of the Tampa Bay Rays, and he did so in January, at age 16, with a blast that would have flown farther than the measured 502 feet had it not smashed off the back wall of the dome. Still only 16, Harper stands 6'3", weighs 205 pounds, has faster bat speed than Mark McGwire in his prime and runs so fast that he scored on wild pitches six times this season from second base. As a catcher he picks off runners from his knees, and when he pitches, he throws a fastball that has been clocked at 96 mph. He also does volunteer work, holds down a 3.5 grade point average and attends religious education classes nearly every morning before school.

Is there anything that this kid can’t do – I mean, other than smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, vote, serve in the armed forces or buy a lottery ticket?

Harper’s stated goals include playing in the majors by the time he is “18 or 19 years old,” “be in the Hall of fame, definitely. Play in Yankee Stadium. Play in pinstripes. Be considered the greatest baseball player who ever lived. I can’t wait.”

Fortunately, Harper includes among his many advisors none other than the Devil’s own lawyer, Scott Boras, who is certain to gouge whatever (un)suspecting team takes this kid with the number one overall pick in 2011.

The hype is so over-the-top with this kid that one scout says he would go in the top 2 of this year’s draft behind only God-Among-Men Stephen Strasburg and only because Strasburg (whom you will recall is the "Best. Prospect. Ever.") could play in the majors this year and Bryce will have to wait another couple years.

Harper’s parents are considering moving him to somewhere like the Dominican Republic, where he could be drafted as early as now. Why Major League baseball allows 16-year-old Dominican boys to get drafted but not a teenager from Las Vegas is beyond me. Still, millions and millions of dollars are at stake and the alternative is that Bryce wastes 2 years getting that high school degree that he’ll never use.

One of the best stories from Verducci’s article, which is a great read in its entirety and highly recommended, was this one about his mother, Sheri:

Bryce, then 12, was playing in a tournament in Alabama on a field with 250-foot fences. It was a trip Sheri could not attend. When Bryce phoned home, Sheri asked him how he'd done.
"I did all right," he replied.
Later one of the coaches called Sheri. "Did he say anything to you?" the coach asked.
"No, not really," Sheri said.
"He went 12 for 12. Eleven home runs and a double."
"That," Sheri says, "is when I knew."

It is stories like this that really excite me. If this kid could make it to the majors with that kind of humility and that level of talent, he would take baseball to new heights. Of course, he could also go the Josh Hamilton route and spend a few years discovering new places to stick needles full of smack.

Imagine the pressure this kid will experience over the next 2-3 years. This Sports Illustrated article is only the beginning. ESPN will come out and do an interview (complete with cheesy dramatic background music and a testimonial from his high school Spanish teacher). He’ll have scouts from every team following him around, watching his every move, analyzing his “character” as much as his ability. The crowds will get bigger and the haters will come out of the woodwork to tell him that he’s not good enough, that he can’t do it.

And don’t even get me started on the bloggers – those guys are vicious!

Still, the majority of the world won’t know who Bryce Harper is for at least another year or two. Eventually, he will make his way to the majors and by all accounts he will be a star. When that happens, you can say that you read about him once on ImperfectGame.com (…or in Sports Illustrated, whatever).

I leave you with this grainy YouTube video from Feb 2008 of a then-15-year-old Bryce Harper hitting a home run. Notice how no one even moves to go field the ball. After he gets done hitting that homer, he shows off his pitching arm. Sick.

"Twins Logo" or "Twin Logos"

2009-06-03T14:07:00.006-07:00

Next season, the Minnesota Twins will bid a not-so-fond farewell to the Astroturf and outfield wall baggies of the Metrodome and open their new ballpark, Target Field.

In an attempt to springboard off the excitement of opening a new stadium, the twins are hoping to follow in the footsteps of the Tampa Bay Rays (née Devil Rays), who changed their team logo and rocketed into the World Series. The new stadium signage just went up and gave the world a preview of the dramatic changes coming for the Twins’ organization.

How about it, huh? It’s new and refreshing, ultra-hip and modern. Clearly, this is a sign that the Twins are entering a bold new era.

What’s that you say? It looks exactly like the old Twins logo? Au contraire! I give you the old Twins logo:

Notice the new, pointier, less-blocky serifs! A truly revolutionary step in the evolution of baseball-related graphic design.

OK, OK, so it’s pretty much just the same old logo. Whatever! At least it’s better than their really old logo:

In non-logo-related news, the Minneapolis Star-Trubune announced today the new park will sport an open air bar and bleacher seating at the recently conceived Budweiser Roof Deck (I wonder where they got the money for that).

This new patio-style area will seat 150 fans and have room for an additional 150 standing room only viewers, who can enjoy what the team is referring to as, “the consummate Minnesota outdoor experience.”

In my experience, the “consummate Minnesota outdoor experience” seems to involve camouflage, reflective vests and heavy artillery, not to mention a biting, penetrating cold that starts in the back of your eye sockets, turns your snot to frozen pixie dust and ultimately devours your soul.

But no worries! The Twins are installing a “fire pit.”

Apparently, it is common practice in the North Star State to go out to the lake, throw back a few dozen beers and build a towering inferno. Now the Twins are bringing that time-honored tradition to the ballpark. As team President Dave St. Peter says with great pride, “The fire pit will be uniquely Minnesota.”

Indeed.

So, now, while you take in another early-March 1-1 small-ball extra-inning affair that lasts well into the bitter frost of night, you and your friends can still root for your favorite team whilst huddled against stinging high-altitude winds around a flaming garbage can.

Carlos Zambrano Politely Disagrees

2009-05-28T10:36:00.008-07:00

I know I’ve written about the Cubs a number of times already. Sure they are my favorite team, but I do try to give equal opportunity to all the weirdness out there. It just seems like this season, the Cubs have more than their fair share of crazy.

If you’ve been watching SportsCenter in the past 24 hours, you’ve probably already seen this clip. If you haven’t, watch it immediately. If you have, send your friends a link to this post. This is high comedy!

Yesterday afternoon, Carlos Zambrano was cruising along in a game against the Pirates. The Cubs were up 2-1 in the seventh inning when Alfonso Soriano misplayed a single into triple. With the fleet-of-foot Nyger Morgan standing on third, Big Z skips a pitch off the plate and the catcher, Geovany Soto, can’t hang on and has to run to track down the ball.

Morgan is coming in quick and looking to score; Carlos is covering home and gets the toss from Soto in time to lay down a tag. The umpire makes the call…SAFE!

That’s when all the personal and professional demons that Carlos Zambrano works so hard to keep buried deep within his fraying psyche come pouring out of him and into the face of home plate umpire Mark Carlson…

Click here for the full explosion!

This tirade pretty much has it all: Face-to-face screaming – check! Player getting tossed from the game – check! Player tossing the umpire out of the game – check! Hurling a ball from home plate into left field – check! Taking a bat to a very expensive-looking Gatorade drink dispenser – check!

While watching this clip I can’t help but think that the scene looked a lot like an old WWF wrestling match. I kept thinking that while Zambrano was distracting the ump, Lou Piniella was going to sneak up and bash Nyger Morgan over the head with a metal folding chair.

When the dust cleared, the Cubs won the game, the pro-Cub crowd went home wildly entertained and no one got hurt (except maybe the Gatorade machine).

Bruce Levine of ESPN Chicago managed to catch some choice quotes from resident Cubs comedian, Reed Johnson, who had a lot to add after the game.

"I was kind of disappointed," Johnson said. "I thought the ball would go into the stands, but the wind was blowing in. As for the Gatorade thing, it continued to take a beating. We'll get some band-aids for it and it will be all right."

Nick Friedell, also of ESPN Chicago, tracked down Zambrano’s partner in crime, Milton Bradley, who is no stranger to this blog. Bradley it appears had foretold the demise of the Gatorade machine way back in March:

"In spring training, [Cubs trainer] Mark O'Neal said we were getting a [Gatorade] machine and he didn't know how long it was going to last," Cubs outfielder Milton Bradley said. "And I told him, I said, 'I guarantee you I will not be the one to break it' -- and I was right."
He also commented on Zambrano's overall performance: "That was pretty impressive. It was on a Bradley level."

So the Cubs have Carlos Zambrano coming off the DL and now looking at a likely 7-10 game suspension. They are getting zero production but regular outbursts from Milton Bradley. And there was the recent incident that saw starting pitcher Ted Lilly leap out of the dugout and onto the field to argue balls and strikes with umpire Bob Davidson even though he wasn’t even in the game that day.

What is going on with this team? Are the players just venting their frustration at starting the season so poorly despite some lofty expectations? Are these guys trying to inspire the rest of the team with a sort of “us against the world” rallying cry? Or are they all just nuts?

Fiery Cubs manager Lou Piniella, known throughout his career for a hot temper and a short fuse, had this to say after yesterday’s game: "I'm the only calm, cool and collected one around here it seems."

When you look around and Lou Piniella is your last bastion of “calm, cool and collected” behavior, you’re probably in pretty big trouble. Or you might just be a Cub.

John Smoltz Prefers His Own Balls

2009-05-27T11:19:00.006-07:00

Rob Neyer’s column on ESPN.com (SweetSpot) is always a must read for me. This morning he was discussing a Boston Globe article about John Smoltz' long, drawn-out rehab for the Red Sox.

Most of Neyer’s article is about the Red Sox starting rotation, which currently goes about 15 men deep. They have an embarrassment of riches – OK, so maybe Brad Penny and Tim Wakefield don’t count as “riches” necessarily, but they are a heck of a lot better than what most teams trot out there every fifth day.

What struck me was the smaller item that he mentioned and then cast aside. From the Boston Globe article:

The night began with a "hiccup,” Smoltz said. He had thrown with major league baseballs, which have higher seams than minor league balls. "There's a big difference,” Smoltz said.

The umpires presented Smoltz Eastern League balls. "But I wasn't going to throw the Eastern League balls,” Smoltz said. He apologized to the umpires and ultimately got the balls he wanted to throw.

Neyer’s only comment about this portion of the story is that “this is certainly the first time I've heard of such a thing.” No kidding! I mean, John Smoltz – generally considered a tough and affable man – comes off here like a major league prima donna.

I understand his desire to pitch with balls that are similar to those that he will use in the major leagues. Something as simple as the height of the seams on the ball can have a big impact on his ability to make various pitches, particularly his split finger fastball, which has always been his bread and butter.

My issue is that there are numerous ways in which a pitcher can rehabilitate an injury. You can work out and get back into Major League form at any of the various levels of the sport. At some levels you can get away things like this. At others, you can’t.

If Smoltz were, say, throwing in a “simulated game” he could use any balls he wants. He could choose to have a batter standing in the box or not. Maybe it’s just him and a catcher and some bum off the street calling balls and strikes. He could throw footballs if he wants. Anything goes!

Over in Extended Spring Training hitters sometimes come up every inning no matter the batting order just to make sure they get their swings. Over there, Smoltz could come into the game and pitch, then sit out an inning and practice his putts and then toe the rubber later in the game. No problem, who cares!

In Single-A, or rookie ball, there’s a little more structure. These players aren’t just trying to get healthy, they’re trying to earn a living and prove they can hang with the big boys. In those games you may be able to get away with bringing your own balls, but you also better bring everybody a nice a steak dinner. With a little quid pro quo, I guess we’ll let it slide.

But John Smoltz wasn’t pitching in a simulated game, or extended spring training, or even rookie ball. No, John Smoltz was starting a game for the double-A Portland Sea Dogs. They were playing a real game against the New Hampshire Fisher Cats in front of a sell-out crowd. And the Dogs' balls weren’t good enough for John.

I’ve always liked John Smoltz. I consider him to be a classy guy and a real tough competitor. So, I hope he understands when I tell him, in baseball you play with the balls you’re given. If you want to play with your own balls, well like I said, there’s a time and a place for that.

UPDATE: Milton Bradley Will NOT Shut Up

2009-05-26T15:10:00.005-07:00

Welcome back, everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day (Remembrance Day for those of you in English-speaking parts abroad)! It seems that while we were all enjoying our Government-sponsored holiday, Milton Bradley was feeling somewhat differtly about "the establishment."

From ESPN.com News Services:

Bradley, suspended one game last month after an argument with umpire Larry Vanover, said he thought other umps were getting back at him for the incident.

"Unfortunately, I just think it's a lot of 'Oh, you did this to my colleague,' or 'We're going to get him any time we can,'" Bradley said, according to the Chicago Tribune. "'As soon as he gets two strikes, we're going to call whatever and see what he does. Let's try to ruin Milton Bradley.'

Yes, Milton, everyone is out to get you. It's been this way since your momma gave you the name "Milton Bradley." I am sure the entire MLB Umpires Union is now out to get you as well. They probably have your picture hanging in every urinal at Evil Umpire Headquarters. Their goal is to pick and prod and needle you until you snap once and for all.

What's wrong with this guy? Did he fall on his head?

Still, that's no excuse. Now, this blog has already taken it's turn at Mr. Bradley and there's no reason to rehash his paranoid anger-mismanaged life story here. I just wanted to take a moment to point out that the last we heard from Milton was this:

"I'm trying to focus on what I'm trying to do here. My teammates are behind me and the more reporters get in my face, the more I talk, the more things get written the way I don't say them or they're taken out of context, and that's when you lose teammates and you lose fans. The best strategy for me has always been to not say anything.”

In the importal words of Jimmy Dugan: "That's good advice!"

White Sox Get "Peaved"

2009-05-22T13:36:00.004-07:00

Yesterday morning, the White Sox and the Padres agreed on a deal to send ace pitcher Jake Peavy to Chicago in exchange for four players who have yet to be identified (if you’ve heard who, post it in the comments). Later in the day, we heard that may not be such a sure thing. Last night, we found out that Peavy was exercising his “no-trade” rights to kill the deal.

So, there’s a couple things that interest me about this story. First off, Jake Peavy has every right to do this. He worked hard, pitched well and got that no trade clause added to his contract when he signed with the Friars. Anyone getting all irate over him saying “no thank you” to the Sox is just foolish.

The reasons Peavy might nix the deal are many:

1) Peavy currently pitches in the NL, where pitchers have to hit. Moving to the AL, where they use cave men masquarading as batters to stand-in for their pitchers means fewer easy outs and worse stats for guys like Peavy. He's is no dummy, he’s looking to his next contract.

2) Peavy currently pitches in Petco Park, a pitching haven, where even the burliest of batsmen has a tough time hitting one out. Moving to U.S. Cellular Field, where they set off fireworks as the ball rockets over the outfield wall with wind-aided velocity means bad news for pitchers. Again, Jake’s thought this through.

3) Peavy gets the newspaper and from time to time he checks up on other teams around the league. His Padres have won 19 games and lost 22. Not very good, but still better than the 17-22 White Sox.

So, Jake’s thought process probably went something like this:

“Oh man. I don’t know. I could keep playing for a crappy franchise that plays in a pitcher’s park in a pitcher-friendly league even though we’re just treading water and looking for any opportunity to cut payroll? OR, I could head over to the hitter-friendly American League and play half my games in a launching pad and have little more than an outside shot at making the playoffs. Oh, wait, if I go to theWhite Sox that means I have to deal with a crazy, diminutive manager who doesn’t speak English and may send me to the minors at a moment’s notice.”

Hmmmm…let me think about that one…

So, with the decision made, the Padres now have their work cut out for them if they still hope to trade Peavy. They say they won’t trade him “unless it’s in the best interests of the team.”

He won’t pitch in the AL, so you can cross half the teams off the list right away. He doesn’t want to go to a loser franchise, so that eliminates Washington and Pittsburgh (no disrespect). He doesn’t want to play in a hitter’s park, so forget about Colorado, Cincinnati, Houston or Philly. He makes a significant amount of money, which means Atlanta, Florida, St. Louis, San Francisco and Arizona can’t touch him. And he’d rather not pitch on the East Coast if he can help it, so bye bye Mets.

That leaves the Brewers, Cubs and Dodgers. The Brewers made a big trade last year for C.C. Sabathia and may not have the pieces to get a deal done. The Cubs are going through an ownership change at the moment and can’t make any moves until that gets resolved. And the Dodgers have a pretty darn good pitching staff as it is.

Oh, and in addition to making a ton of money in a down economy, Peavy also has battled elbow issues the last year and could potentially break down at any moment. And then there's the drinking...

OK, so Jake Peavy doesn't have a real drinking problem. It's just a few Jager-Bombs... straight from the bottle... no problem!

Actually, Jake Peavy seems like a pretty cool guy and I wouldn't mind having him on my team. However, the Padres owner, John Moores, is going through a messy divorce and hemorrhaging money on a losing baseball franchise. He’s just sold his team to Jeff Moorad, who is looking to move his most over-priced star for whatever he can get and there’s absolutely no market for the guy because he’s got the team bent over a barrel with his no trade clause.

Yeah! I'm sure, this is a situation where the Padres will clearly do “whatever is in the best interests of the team.”

Lowry's Prime Rib Roast

2009-05-20T13:22:00.009-07:00

According to my latest research, the bulk of my readership is located in San Francisco and the surrounding bay area. While it is impossible for me to pinpoint exactly how many unique visitors my site has from this area, I am holding out hope that of the 136 page views from the City by the Bay not all were from my buddy Nitin. So, for all of you San Franciscans out there, this one is for you!

It just so happens that one of the stranger stories circulating the baseball world today involves San Francisco Giants starting pitcher Noah Lowry and his successful surgery earlier this week to remove a rib.

The first time I came across this story I heard something about "Lowry’s ribs" and was instantly transported back to my post-college days living in Chicago. If you’ve never tried Lawry’s Prime Rib Roast, know that it comes highly recommended.

As I learned more about the real story, I found out that 14 months ago the Giants crack medical staff examined Noah Lowry to determine why he had complete lost control of his pitches and was feeling tightness in his forearm. They told the young pitcher that the problem was exertional compartment syndrome and they would have to operate on his forearm and that he would miss all of the 2008 season and a portion of 2009 as well.

OK, I get it. Tightness in forearm = surgery on forearm. That makes sense. So, what does this have to do with ribs? Mmmm...ribs!

Flash forward to the present and it turns out Lowry did not have exertional compartment syndrome at all. His agent claims the pitcher was misdiagnosed by the Giants team physicians. In separate consultations, Dr. Greg Pearl and serial career-ender Dr. James Andrews have confirmed that a “circulatory problem” caused Lowry’s issues.

Naturally, the prescription for this particular type of circulatory issue involves the removal of one of Noah Lowry’s ribs. Wait, what?

Tightness in forearm = removal of a rib?

Seriously, removing a rib? And if that doesn’t work, what’s next? Leeches? Screws in his head? Perhaps a full bloodletting

Admittedly, I am clearly not a doctor. I don’t have a PhD in anything, certainly not medicine. And I would never question the diagnosis of the esteemed Dr. James Andrews (Lord knows, that man is a witch doctor and were I ever to suggest that he is not the foremost expert in the field he would shrink my head without a second thought).

Anyway, word is, Lowry will make a speedy and full recovery. Had this been dealt with appropriately at the time, he would have been back to playing baseball in 3 months as opposed to the nearly 2 years he will have missed as a result of the misdiagnosis. With any luck, he will still be able to help the Giants on their triumphant march through the playoffs this season (OK, that might take a LOT of luck)!

Now, if you’re anything like me, all of this talk of ribs probably made you pretty hungry and so, I leave you with this:

Lawry's Prime Rib Roast

1 (4 rib) standing rib roast
Lawry's Seasoned Salt
1 bag (5 lb.) rock salt

Sprinkle fatty cap of roast with Lawry's Seasoned Salt. Spread rock salt evenly over bottom of heavy roasting pan; place wire roasting rack on top of salt. Place the roast on the rack, fatty side up. Make sure no salt actually touches the beef. Insert meat thermometer in thickest part of meat, making sure it does not touch a bone. Roast in preheated 350 degree F oven until thermometer registers 130 degrees F for rare, 140 degrees F for medium, or approximately 20 to 25 minutes per pound. Remove from oven and let stand 20 minutes before carving. Using a sharp carving knife, slice the meat across the grain for serving. Discard rock salt.

Makes 6 to 8 servings.

Weeks Out Months

2009-05-19T16:05:00.007-07:00

Way back in March, when I originally crafted my landmark post “It’s An Imperfect Game,” I had a section in there about various elements in baseball that are inevitable. I ended up removing the section and going in a different direction, but one part of it sure seems prophetic today.

Back then I was going to write:

In the late innings of a close game, if Albert Pujols has a chance to put the game away he will do so every time. If you’re playing the Mariners and you’ve got a guy on third and the batter hits a pop-up to right, Ichiro will throw that guy out at the plate nine times out of ten. Everytime you're sitting on a Johan Santana fastball, he will utterly humiliate you with his changeup. And maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday soon Rickie Weeks' wrist will completely implode.

Yesterday, the Tom Haudricourt at the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported that Brewers’ second baseman, Rickie Weeks will miss the rest of the season with a wrist injury. He tore a tendon sheath in his left wrist and will have to have surgery and will miss 4-6 months (Quick aside: I know the Brewers are in first place currently, but assuming that there are 6 months remaining in their season seems a tad optimistic).

So, how could I have possibly known that this was going to happen? Am I privy to the inner workings of Rickie Week’s weak wrist (try saying that 10 times fast)? Are you kidding? I'm not even privy to the inner workings of my own wrist. I am not a doctor. And I can’t get away with playing one on the internet.

What I do know is that when Rickie Weeks is standing in the batter’s box awaiting a pitch he waggles the bat back and forth over and over. When the pitch arrives, he takes a huge cut as though he’s swinging for the fences every time out. No matter where he is in his waggle, when the pitch looks good – and pretty much every pitch looks good to Rickie – he’s swinging.

Gary Sheffield has used the same twitchy timing mechanism in his batting stance throughout his own career. I'm sure if he wasn't "clearly" the "cream" of the hitting crop, he would have spent even more time on the DL.

You can watch the swing that took down Rickie Weeks here. On the third pitch he swings hard enough to launch the ball out of the park. Unfortunately the ball is in the dirt and Rickie is headed for the trainer’s room. His season is over and the Brewers are scrambling for a second baseman (no, Craig Counsel doesn't count).

It's too bad. Maybe we could have warned young Rickie. Would he have listened? Probably not. Much like that Johan Santana changeup, there are some things you know are coming but there’s nothing you can do about them.

Rays Put the "DH" in "Duh"

2009-05-18T10:05:00.005-07:00

Welcome back! Today we take a moment to celebrate one of baseball’s most confounding peculiarities: the Designated Hitter. Only in baseball are there two completely different ways of playing the game depending on what team you happen to play for.

Half of the teams make all of their position players take a turn at bat. This is the way things work in the National League.

The other half of the teams decided that one of those position players, who shall remain nameless (Hint: It’s the pitcher!), is just not good enough at hitting. So every time it’s his turn to hit, they bring in a different guy, usually one who’s not good enough to play the field, and he bats in lieu of the pitcher. They call this man the Designated Hitter and they only allow this sort of thing in the American League.

The argument for the DH has always been that these guys get paid a lot of money to pitch, so why do we have to watch them bat? proponents of the DH say no one wants to watch a pitcher flail away in the batter’s box; he’s an “automatic out.”

My opinion has always been these guys are athletes too. They are paid to play baseball and part of that job description involves putting on a plastic helmet and swinging a big wooden stick at a tiny white ball traveling in excess of 90 miles an hour. Makes them think twice the next time they want to throw a “purpose pitch.”

All of this came to a very amusing head yesterday, in a game between the Cleveland Indians and the Tampa Bay Rays. Thanks to a bit of a brain fart on the part of Rays manager Joe Maddon, things took a turn for the weird.

Cleveland had just batted and it was time for the Rays to do some hitting. The umpires took a second look at the Rays’ lineup card and decided they needed to talk things over. It seems that when the lineup card had been filled out both Ben Zobrist and Evan Longoria were listed as third basemen for the game. Uh oh!

Maddon had intended for young stud Longoria to be the designated hitter and was batting him third. Ben Zobrist had just finished playing a half inning at third base. It was clear that it was just a typo, a minor mistake. They could just cross out the “3B” next to Longoria’s name and write “DH”. Problem solved. Right?

Wrong!

This is baseball, so the most logical answer isn’t always correct. It’s like the reverse of Occam’s Razor (Rozar’s Macco?). The umpires went back to the rulebook and determined that the Rays has forfeited their ability to use the Designated Hitter and the Rays’ starting pitcher, Andy Sonnanstine, was going to have to hit. And he wasn’t going to be buried at the bottom of the lineup either. He was batting third!

So, the Rays’ best hitter, Longoria, hit the bench and Sonnanstine, a guy who hadn’t hit third in a lineup since Little League, borrowed some batting gloves, a helmet and of course a bat and started trying to remember whether he bats righty or lefty.

"I knew something was up, but I didn't know exactly what was going to happen," Sonnanstine told the AP. "They told me that I was going to have to hit, and I corrected them and told them 'I get to hit.' I took it as an opportunity. That was one of the craziest games I've ever been a part of."

And hit he did. After bunting into a fielder’s choice and striking out looking, Sonnanstine came to the plate in the fourth inning with 2 out and a runner at second, and he smacked a double to deep left for his first big league RBI.

Who says pitchers shouldn’t hit?

After the game, Evan Longoria discussed what it felt like to get passed over for the pitcher: "That was just awkward, to say the least. It was definitely a little different day on the baseball field. I was laughing [when Sonnanstine doubled]. It was great."

"I messed up, and the players picked me up," Joe Maddon said. “[Now] all the starting pitchers are trying to pay us off to make that mistake."

Who knows? Pitchers throughout the American League might just succeed in bribing their managers for the chance to get into the lineup. After all, these guys get paid a lot of money to pitch.

Get the Message?

2009-05-12T15:12:00.007-07:00

Major League Baseball just leveled a fine of $750 on the White Sox' Bobby Jenks after he admitted that he intentionally threw a pitch behind Ian Kinsler of the Texas Rangers. According to the AP article on the subject, Jenks said he wanted to "send a message." He did it "because he was tired of watching White Sox batters getting hit with no retaliation." (Video)

First of all, let's be clear about the reason for the fine. Bobby Jenks threw at Ian Kinsler. On purpose. This sort of thing happens all the time on every team in the league. It is accepted as the traditional method of retaliation for inapporpriate or unsportsmanlike behavior. It has been a part of the game since the first jerk stayed in the batter's box too long staring at the home run he just hit. It is called a "Purpose Pitch." And no gets fined for it.

Bobby Jenks was not fined for throwing a purpose pitch. He was fined because he admitted to throwing a purpose pitch. Ian Kinsler knew it was intentional. The umpire knew it was intentional. The entire Texas Rangers team knew it was intentional. Baseball is OK with this as long as it remains private and no one gets seriously hurt.

Baseball is not OK with pitchers running off their mouths about it. So, Jenks got fined. Great!

The other point of interest is that Bobby Jenks was fined $750. Listen, $750 is not a fine to these people. That's barely more than ARod tips the waitresses at Hooters and they hated him for that! It's less than Jenks would spend on a bottle of booze at a Vegas club. It's barely enough to get his Hummer detailed.

Look at it this way, back in January Bobby Jenks agreed to terms on a 1-year, $5.6 million contract. He has appeared in 56 games per season over the last 4 years. That's $100,000 per game that he actually participates in. Even if he threw 25 pitches an inning, he'd still be making $4,000 PER PITCH! And that includes the one he threw behind Kinsler.

You really think Bobby Jenks is going to miss $750? He'll probably just take it out of the "Leave a Thousand, Take a Thousand" jar in the clubhouse.

So, why fine him at all? I guess MLB was just trying to "send a message."

Best. Prospect. Ever.

2009-05-11T15:00:00.004-07:00

There is no doubt in my mind or in the mind of any other person in the world that has seen or even heard of the Great Stephen Strasburg that he is the ... Best Prospect Ever. And earlier this weekend, his legend grew.

On Friday night, the 20-year-old San Diego State super-stud threw a 17-strikeout no-hitter. He already has a 23-strikeout game on his resume. This season for the Aztecs, Strasburg is 11-0 with a 1.24 ERA and 164 strikeouts in 87 1/3 innings. He's given up only 48 hits and allowed only 17 walks.

He stands a towering 6 feet and 5 inches tall. His fastball has been clocked at 103 miles per hour and ESPN's Rob Neyer worries that Strasburg could up that to 105 miles per hour. He went from a hot-headed doughy high-schooler to a cool, calm and collected work-out junky in college. He pitched for the US team in the Olympics. Major League teams pour over video footage and conduct in depth studies into his family history, his genetics, his mental tendencies and even his bowel movements.

He is...the most interesting man in the world.

Actually, that may be selling him short.

ESPN's Buster Olney has openly wondered, "Is Stephen Strasburg the Best Prospect Ever?" Keith Law considers him possibly "the Best College Pitcher Ever" and declares that he is, "ready for the big leagues right now." The guys at Bleacher Report have dubbed him "A Living Legend."
Over at Prospect Insider, Jason A. Churchill has this to say:

Stephen Strasburg is not a good pitching prospect - he's a great pitcher with the best fastball-slider combination I have ever seen on a pitcher not in the big leagues. And I'm not alone. Some long-time scouts told Keith a few weeks back that Strasburg might be the best college pitcher of all-time.

In June, Stephen Strasburg will be drafted number one overall in the amateur draft by the Washington Nationals. If they are able to come to terms on a contract quickly enough, he may just make his first start in the big leagues THIS season. He and his agent, demon-hell-spawn Scott Boras (a.k.a. the Devil's Lawyer), are asking for somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 million.

If you want my honest opinion (and really, if you don't, why are you here?) I think Strasburg will be phenominal. At least for a little while. As someone who has unabashedly cheered for the likes Kerry Wood and Mark Prior, I know a thing or two about "the next great pitching prospect." They often amaze and they almost always disappoint.

Rob Neyer points out in his article that when you see a pitcher doing something that looks impossible, it usually is. The human body was not built to hurl a baseball at these kinds of velocities. Occassionally, a freak of nature will appear and entertain us for a few years, sometimes more. But the Nolan Ryans and Randy Johnsons who can sustain that kind of ability over many years are few and far between.

As for the $50 million asking price, I think the Nationals should probably do whatever it takes to sign this kid and get him in a uniform - preferably one that correctly spells N-A-T-I-O-N-A-L-S - as soon as possible. He'll a big ticket draw for a team that desperately needs one.

And maybe, just maybe, we will all get a chance to see something that no one has never seen before (and I don't just mean a half-decent Nationals pitcher).

For more information and some heartwarming background music, here is ESPN's segment on the Man, the Myth, the Mighty Hercules in polyester stirrups himself: Stephen Strasburg...

Happy Birthday, Moms!

2009-05-10T09:11:00.003-07:00

To paraphrase the great broadcaster, Ralph Kiner: "On Mother's Day, we again wish you all happy birthday."

For more Kinerisms, check out this great compilation at Baseball Almanac.

To my wife, a very heartfelt Happy Mother's Day.

And to Mom, Joanell, Nana, Angie, Lisa and Kim...Happy mother's day too!

That's Just Manny Being ... Suspended!

2009-05-07T09:10:00.008-07:00

Manny Ramirez has been caught!

No, this is bigger than Manny picking his nose. Or Manny giving hi-fives to fans during a game. Or Manny cooling off in Fenway's green monster. Or Manny...there's just too many examples and the news is too big. So, let's get to it!

ESPN is now reporting that Manny Ramirez will be suspended 50 games for a positive steroid test (thanks to birthday boy Jeff for the timely heads-up). Is this big news? Heck yeah it is!

The Dodgers and their capricious left fielder currently lead all of baseball with a 21-8 record (13-0 at home). Manny himself is hitting .348 with 6 home runs and 20 RBIs. He's reaching base in nearly half of his plate appearances (.492 OBP) and slugging .641! Those last two numbers are Barry Bondsian!

Now Manny has something else in common with Bonds...he's going to be denying steroid rumors for the rest of his life.

Or not. Manny could decide to go the route of Alex Rodriguez and sit down with Peter Gammons for a heartfelt interview. I think that would make for great television considering Peter uses big words and Manny doesn't speak very good English.

The real question is, "Will Manny care?" He just signed a 2-year, $45 million contract with the Dodgers after an incredibly long and drawn out courting period during which LA decided to walk away from the deal no less than 3 times before finally caving in and dumping a truckload of cash at Manny's feet. I wonder how manager Joe Torre is feeling about that move now?

So, for the first time in Major League Baseball history a star player in the height of his career is going to be suspended for steroid use. Just when baseball was starting to move forward...

Failed Re-Entry

2009-05-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

You know the old joke: “So, we were going to Disney World and we saw a sign that said “Disney World Left” so we went home?” It was kind of like that for hundreds of Yankees and Red Sox fans Monday night in New York.

With rain all up and down the east coast, it was looking like the Yankees-Red Sox game was surely going to be cancelled. As thousands of fans from both teams waited out the weather inside the stadium, the New York Daily News reports that Yankees security personnel were telling people that there was “zero chance they were going to play the game.” Many fans said that “the guys holding ‘How may I help you?’ signs informed them that the game would not be played."

The game was originally scheduled to start at 7pm, and as the rail delay dragged on for over an hour and a half, hundreds of people started pouring out of Yankee Stadium. Shortly before 9pm the announcement came on over the public address system that the game would begin at 9:20pm.

That’s when things got a little nutty.

All those hundreds, maybe thousands, of fans who had left the stadium were outside on the street and heard the news. So, they politely asked to be let back in to see the game. After all, they paid good money to see the Yankees and Red Sox.

Unfortunately, the Yankees have a strict “no re-entry” policy. If you leave the game, you can’t get back in. In case you were unaware, New Yorkers don’t exactly like being told what they can and cannot do.

Here’s the good stuff from the New York Daily News:

"We're a part of hundreds of people, if not thousands," said Martin Watson, a 39-year-old New Yorker who spent $800 for four tickets and tried to reenter through Gate 6. "This is not fan-friendly. This is B.S. You pay money for a top-of-the-line franchise, and you get bottom-of-the-line customer service."

A turnstile supervisor directed the reporter and several fans to the customer service window, which was locked.

"I built this Stadium and they won't let me in it," a man wearing a local union jacket said before storming off.

At least one fan was arrested outside the Stadium. Roseanna Franco, 25, of White Plains, was charged with assault, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest after she allegedly kicked a New York City police officer after not being let back in.

This is a franchise that spent the first few weeks of the season with their best seats in their brand new stadium empty because they were charging upwards of $2,500 a pop and as the New York Post reported no one wanted to pay that much. Now they’re telling the people that did pay for tickets that they can’t come back in to see the game?

I’m confused. These tickets have today’s date on them, right? No one else was issued a ticket for my seat, right? So, how about you either let me back in to see the game or you give me my 2 grand back?

The "smart" people, the ones who waited out the rain delay and got to reap the full benefits of their over-priced tickets, found all of the comforts of home inside the Yankees’ new ballpark: $9 beers, a $5 cup of watered-down soda, and a $12 bucket of popcorn! Or they could wait out the storm in a brand new New York Yankees Authentic Therma Base Premier Jacket for just $120!

No wonder all those people were so anxious to get back into the stadium!

We Don't Know Spit

2009-05-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

Despite not playing in a Major League Baseball game since 2004, Hall of fame hopeful, Roberto Alomar is still making news, and deals!

The Associated Press reported today that Alomar has settled a pending lawsuit with his ex-girlfriend, Ilya Dall. Back in February word leaked out that Dall was charging Alomar with forcing her to have unprotected sex despite him showing “obvious signs of AIDS." Alomar immediately denied the charges and the fact that he was infected with the AIDS virus.

While the story is sickening if completely true, it sounds like Ilya’s version of the facts may not be entirely accurate. Home Run Derby postulated that the lawsuit may have been retribution for Alomar hooking up with “Puerto Rico’s Paris Hilton,” Mariply Rivera.

All reports seem to indicate that Alomar remains in good health to this day. Perhaps this is just a “cautionary tale” as Rosie Diamond of the Toronto Star hoped at the time the charges were initially leveled.

Here is an excerpt from her decidedly colorful article:

And he was The Stud.

Why wouldn't he be?

Trailed by aggressive groupies across the continent, clusters of them hovering around hotels and bars and ballparks; a single guy in his mid-20s, a red-blooded male presented with a cornucopia of sexual delights, a baseball princeling with his
pick of lovelies.

But now, 16 years on and out of baseball, well on his way to the hall of fame, allegedly – only allegedly – suffering from full-blown AIDS and pray it's not true.

Is that last part even a sentence? Obviously, the situation is clouded by so many people’s love of a guy that by all accounts certainly enjoyed the game of baseball (and all of the many perks that come with money and fame).

And then you have Alomar’s lawyer saying things like, “He’s healthy and would like to keep his health status private.” Um, so is he healthy or are we keeping it private? Do we really know anything? Should we really know anything?

In the absence of any real information, let’s look at what we know about Alomar:

1. During the 1990’s, his best years, he was “The Stud”: young, rich and athletic and “presented with a cornucopia of sexual delights.”

2. Alomar played at the major league level for 17 years with the Padres, Orioles, Indians, Mets, Diamondbacks, White Sox and Blue Jays. Clearly this guy gets around.

3. During his career he won more Gold Gloves than any other second baseman in baseball history. Well, that puts a hole in the unprotected sex theory – obviously this guy knows a thing or two about playing defense.

We would have to say that the evidence with regard to Alomar’s physical health is inconclusive.

One thing we do know is that Roberto Alomar’s career was not without incident. From Wikipedia:

On September 27, 1996, during a game against his former team, the Blue Jays, Alomar got into a heated argument over a called third strike with umpire John Hirschbeck and spat in his face.
He defended himself by saying Hirschbeck had uttered a racial slur and that Hirschbeck had been bitter since one son had died of ALD and another had been recently diagnosed as well. Upon hearing this public disclosure of his private life, Hirschbeck had to be physically restrained from confronting Alomar in the players' locker room.

Hirschbeck’s biggest gripe against Alomar was that he made public some very personal and painful areas of the umpire’s life. Flash forward 12 years and we get quotes from Alomar that he is “in very good health and I ask that you respect my privacy.”

I guess the spit is on the other face now.

Hated At Hooters

2009-04-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

We can now announce that ESPN is reporting that the New York Daily News has published more excerpts from Sports Illustrated reporter Selena Roberts’ book entitled: A-Rod.

All I can say is that Ms. Roberts has a really good publicist because much like when the story originally broke during spring training, you’re going to be seeing and hearing about Alex Rodriguez everywhere for the next few days.

Most of those stories – be they TV, newspaper or blog – are going to be focused on steroids. Alex took them in Texas, this much we know. The new excerpts from Ms. Roberts book (available NOW for pre-order from Amazon.com!) allege that ARod didn’t stop taking them when he departed for New York. They allege that he was using as recently as 2005, when he arrived at Yankees spring training with enlarged pectoral muscles and the other players took to calling something that rhymes with “Switch Hits.”

The story also claims that Jose Canseco figures the guy was probably juicing as far back as high school. Hey, news alert! Jose Canseco made an outrageous unfounded claim about some else’s steroid use! Great source there, Ms. Roberts!

This blog – despite the fact that I have just devoted two entire paragraphs to the subject – does not report on steroids. We’re going to dig deeper into some of the other aspects of the story.

The excerpts from the book accuse ARod of “pitch-tipping” when he was with the Rangers. Essentially, this means that during lopsided games, Alex, playing third base, would let the opposing batter know what pitch was coming. The expectation is that the beneficiaries of Alex’s kindness would reciprocate in kind some day in the future.

I don’t know how common this sort of tit-for-tat is in baseball, but I find it vile and unsportsmanlike. Maybe it is a blowout and it never affects the score, but this is not a victimless crime.

You have Rodriguez’s teammate; the pitcher who’s out there sweating on the mound giving up hit after hit to guys that know what pitch is coming thanks to the weasel over at third. That poor pitcher is blowing up, which sucks the hope out of fans’ hearts and worse the manager, the pitching coach and the general manager are trying to figure out the fastest way to get the guy on the bus back to Bakersfield.

But hey, if it means a couple better numbers on the back of ARod’s baseball card, so be it. It’s for the good of the game.

The best line in the article, though, is the one they tucked way at the end. It’s practically a throw-away, but it made me laugh out loud:

He was even hated at Hooters, where he tipped the minimum 15%.

First of all, I like that they used the word “even,” which implies that he is hated many places and – believe it or not – EVEN at Hooters, where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came. That’s Hooters, right?

Secondly, here’s a guy that will make $28,000,000 in this year alone. In this economy! At $32.50 for 50 wings, that would be 43,076,900 wings. I am guessing he probably didn’t eat that many, though I am not a doctor and I don’t know how steroid use affects one’s appetite for hot naked Hooters wings. In any event, I would think he probably had enough left over to go as high as say 20% on the tip.

Seriously though, do any of these guys look like they tip more than 15%?

OK, maybe Sammy Sosa, but he had other issues.

Still, I think the real question we should be asking is: “Do steroids make you an A-hole or do only A-holes do steroids?”

Like I said before, I’m not a doctor.

You're Not From Around Here, Are You?

2009-04-29T16:29:00.000-07:00

When people move, they take their sports loyalty with them. This is particularly true of my current home town: Phoenix, Arizona.

To talk to the “local” populace, you would think no one was ever born here. Everyone seems to be from somewhere else. It’s like millions of people just showed up one day in the middle of the barren desert and thought, “What a great place to start a city.”

Nowhere is this phenomenon more evident than at your typical Arizona Diamondbacks game. This week, the Chicago Cubs came to town for their annual sweep at the hands of a far inferior D’Backs team (the Cubbies actually managed to win one this time).

Despite the hometown team winning big in 2 out of 3, you could see nothing but disappointment in the faces of the people in the stands. That’s because most of those people are Cubs fans, and they had just borne witness to “the great” Doug Davis hurling 7 innings of 2-hit shutout ball while striking out 7.

Some teams, like the Cubs, have fans all over the country. Even people who have never set foot in the Windy City root for the Cubs thanks to the “Superstation” WGN, which spent the past few decades broadcasting every Cubbies game across the country using a CB radio and some tin foil.

Other teams, like the Diamondbacks, get the turnstiles moving only when teams like the Cubs, come to town. It’s not like a rivalry game, where the crowd is evenly divided between warring and vocal factions. It’s more like a pep rally for the visiting team.

Two seasons ago, the Red Sox came to town. I have no allegiance to Boston, but my sister lives there now and she and her husband had flown in to visit and go to the game. That was how I found myself at one of the most attended games in Chase Field history with a borrowed Sox cap on my head, cheering on Big Papi and Youk.

And good thing I was! Otherwise, people would have thrown things at me. One young boy started knocking Jason Varitek and it was like Nancy Pelosi had just stumbled into the Republican National Convention…kid was toast!

For the poor D’Backs, it’s like this every game. The locals turn out, but they’re all wearing Dodger blue or San Diego camouflage or those wacky rainbow Houston jerseys.

I mean, this is a franchise that won a World Series in the past decade. They’ve got a good core group of athletic young offensive players and a couple of world-class pitchers. Should the folks in the stands really be cheering when Eric Byrnes strikes out flailing at ball four? Do they have to sing, “Root root root for the Cubbies!” during the seventh inning stretch? And seriously, when the Diamondbacks hit a home run, do they have to throw it back?

But what are the D’Backs going to do? It’s not the team’s fault. It’s just that nobody’s from around here...

Now, This is SportsCenter...

2009-04-28T14:32:00.000-07:00

ESPN’s SportsCenter commercials are as timely as they are funny and they rarely fail to make me chuckle. It’s been a while though since they’ve had one as good as the Albert Pujols “The Machine” ad.

Albert is great – on the diamond and in this commercial. To date, he leads the league with 25 RBIs, is tied for second in the league with 7 home runs and 20 runs scored. The guy has even stolen 3 bases! He’s batting .333 with a .457 on base percentage and a .681 slugging percentage. If you’re not sure what those stats mean, well, they’re really, really good.

Not nearly as good, but 50 times as funny, is Pujols’ acting ability. While he doesn’t have a whole lot to say in the commercial, his wooden delivery is spot-on for this one.

This commercial actually prompted me to go back and review some of the great baseball-related SportsCenter ads. There are many.

The best thing about the "This is SportsCenter…" ad campaign is that it's all about having fun. The ESPN anchors are clearly enjoying themselves and take nothing seriously. Like any big-brand beer commercial, they don’t really need to sell the product at all, so they’re free to just make the most entertaining 30-second spot they can dream up.

And these guys have some pretty messed-up senses of humor.

Just a few examples from over the years:

Here's Paul Konerko and Tim Hudson discussing some of the oddities of their sport.

This Manny-Being-Manny spot was running the day Ramirez was traded to the Dodgers. You can see the news of that trade scrolling by below the ad while it plays (thanks to Awful Announcing for keeping this one alive).

Here's Jose Reyes giving some tips to the SC gang. Tips for what though?

While not entirely baseball related, this one involving the Spelling Bee champ always cracks me up.

And here's the Anaheim Angels rally monkey getting fired, proving once again that monkeys are always funny.

And this is just what I was able to find in the 10 minutes after I got back from lunch (um, but before I clocked in). And there are so many more out there.

If you have a favorite - baseball related or not - post a link in the comments section so we can all enjoy!

Milton Bradley Losing the Game of Life

2009-04-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hey folks! Sorry for the lack of posting. I was pretty shaken up upon seeing the headline in the paper over the weekend: “Betty White Victorious!”

Obviously, it could mean only one thing: Bea Arthur had passed away. She will be missed. So, before we get to today’s post, let’s all pause a minute and remember the great Bea Arthur.

Where was I?

Right! Today, we get back to our ongoing irregular series on “Ballplayers Behaving Badly.” This time we turn our attention to Chicago, where controversy is nearing a boiling point…

Much like a younger, tanner, less lumberjack-ish Mark McGuire, the Cubs new right-fielder Milton Bradley did not come here to talk about the past.

In a recent interview on Carrie Muskat’s official Chicago Cubs MLBlog, she sat down with Milton to discuss why he hates the Chicago media and refuses to speak with them. The irony, it seems was lost on Milton.

As Bradley said after he called Carrie over to do the interview: “I just prefer not to talk. I told Peter [Chase, Chicago Cubs media relations director] and everybody, and they suggested I talk. But I just don't want to do it.”

Wow! Great interview, thanks!

Despite his claims to the contrary, he apparently does want to talk – just not about his past injuries, past run-ins with authority figures, past poor performance or past attitude issues.

"It's been frustrating," Bradley said. "You come in here and all you guys want to talk about is how often you get hurt and your attitude and everything. I've given them an example right off the bat. I just don't feel like getting caught up in all the negativity.”

The “example” Bradley is referring to would be his recent ejection in a game that found him called out on strikes with the bases loaded. By all accounts, the pitch was outside the strikezone, but when the call didn’t go his way, he erupted and gave the ump an earful. He was suspended for 2 games and fined an undisclosed amount.

The 2-game suspension gets in the way of the games he was already missing due to a sore hamstring. That’s right – now he’s not playing AND not getting paid.

So, was it the hammie or the bad attitude that subsequently led to Bradley not running out a groundball on Wednesday night?

For Milton’s sake, you hope fiery Cubs manager Lou Piniella attributes the lack of hustle to the injury. The next morning, Sweet Lou decided to get to the bottom of the issue during a 10-minute closed-door sound-proof “sit-down” with his right fielder.

After he emerged from the office and wiped the blood off his knuckles, Piniella told the media Bradley, “is not 100 percent. When he's 100 percent I'll put him out there to play.”

While Bradley had no comment after “shooting the breeze” with his boss, he did later tell Carrie Muskat: "I'm a positive person, an upbeat person," he said.

This is the same positive upbeat person who, in 2004 as a member of the Los Angeles Dodgers, was asked to seek anger management treatment after an altercation with a fan, who threw a plastic bottle at him. His reaction – which I think we can all agree was perfectly natural – was to leave his position in the field and approach the fan brandishing the bottle like a club. He was thrown out of the game after he angrily slammed the bottle into the first row of the stands.

As he said at the time, “I need to talk to somebody about anger, get treated, find a way to correct that situation. It's not even about baseball. This is about what I need to do for my life. I let anger get the best of me."

Flash forward to 2007. Milton, now a San Diego Padre decided to show everyone the results of his anger management treatment. Bradley got into an argument with first base umpire, Mike Winters. The argument got heated and Padre manager Bud Black came out to restrain his temperamental right fielder. Bradley was thrown to the ground during the scuffle that ensued and tore his ACL. Clearly, he was not at fault in this incident.

The there was the time in 2008 where Bradley, then a member of the Texas Rangers (clearly he doesn’t like to settle down for very long), felt that the Kansas City Royals announcer, Ryan Lefebvre was saying mean things about him. Milton went storming upstairs from the clubhouse to the press box where he intended to confront Lefebvre about the comments (calmly, to be sure). It took manager Ron Washington and general manager Jon Daniels to restrain him.

They led him back to the clubhouse where he broke down in tears, saying, “All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had, that's it. I love all you guys. ... I'm strong, but I'm not that strong."

Clearly, now that the Cubs have handed him a 3-year deal worth $30 million, he has turned over a new leaf.

Said Bradley recently, "I'm trying to focus on what I'm trying to do here. My teammates are behind me and the more reporters get in my face, the more I talk, the more things get written the way I don't say them or they're taken out of context, and that's when you lose teammates and you lose fans. The best strategy for me has always been to not say anything.”

Amen to that! Now, let’s see how long it lasts…

Who's the New Guy? (UPDATED!)

2009-04-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

More jersey-related confusion!

In last night’s Rangers/Blue Jays affair, rookie right-hander Darren O’Day was called upon to pitch in the 11th inning for Texas. However, things are not always what they seem.

It’s important to understand that Rangers pitchers do not have it easy. Their home park is a hitter’s haven and all players but pitchers especially tend to wilt in the Texas heat. The early going this season has been rough and their entire staff – starters and relievers – have been heavily taxed.

So, last week, the New York Mets designated young Darren O’Day for assignment, which means he had to pass through waivers. So, he was sitting at home in Florida yesterday afternoon when his agent called to let him know that the Rangers had won the claim on him and they were calling him up to the big league roster to help out.

O’Day got on a plane and flew to meet the team in Toronto. Probably due to some undisclosed fruits and/or vegetables, he didn’t arrive to the ballpark until the 10th inning.

The Rangers being on the road and not knowing they would have a new player joining the team until just hours before game time, didn’t have a jersey made up for O’Day when he arrived at the park.

So, he had to borrow one.

And one inning later, with men on first and second, Rangers manager Ron Washington called on the new guy, Darren O’Day, to mop up the mess. So, he comes trotting out of the bullpen wearing the jersey of Ranger’s lefty Kason Gabbard, currently at AAA Oklahoma City.

The manager met O’Day/Gabbard on the mound and introduced himself. The Texas infielders gathered around as well, laughing and patting him on the back. The confused fans in the stands double-checked their programs.

Batter Kevin Miller said after the game, “Gabbard? I thought that was a left-handed pitcher. [O'Day] came in throwing a sinker ball, side-armed, right-handed. I was a little confused at first." Millar got over his confusion and slapped a base hit into left-center winning the game for the Jays and ending a very strange day for young Darren O’Day.

David Singh of MLB.com has a great write up of this whole fiasco here. I encourage you to click over and watch the 47-second video.

Good stuff!

UPDATE: Early Thursday afternoon, it was announced that the Texas Rangers had traded Kason Gabbard to the Boston Red Sox. So, the Sox can expect one of two things to happen: Either Darren O'Day gets off the plane in an attempt to continue his Kason Gabbard impersonation, or Mr. Gabbard himself arrives at Fenway Park...naked.

i.o.u.1.o

2009-04-22T09:27:00.000-07:00

I promise you that this blog is not anti-Washington Nationals, nor do I have anything against the nation’s capital. It just so happens that The Nats are currently the most inept franchise in all of baseball and they have made several early claims on that title already this season.

The latest National blunder is actually not the team’s fault. No, this time the blame falls to Majestic Athletic, producer of the league’s jerseys.

Tuesday, the company was forced to issue an apology to the Nationals and MLB for failing to provide Washington’s team with all of the letters they were contractually obligated to provide. In this case, a couple of players' jerseys were missing the letter “o” from the Nationals logo.

It was easy to overlook the misspelling if you merely glanced at the stylized lettering. However, the fact that the two players affected happened to be the team’s top offseason free agent acquisition (Adam Dunn) and the team’s top pitching prospect (Jordan Zimmermann), made the mistake a bit more glaring.

Fortunately, Washington and Majestic Athletic were saved from public embarrassment. After all, the “Natinals” were playing the Marlins. How many people do you think were watching?

Changing the Fish Bowl

2009-04-21T15:10:00.000-07:00

In 1993, the Florida Marlins joined Major League Baseball as an expansion team. In the 16 years of their existence they have managed to get to the playoffs only twice. To the chagrin of many a Cubs fan, they also managed to win the World Series in both of those seasons.

Following each of their championship runs, Marlins management carefully and systematically broke up those heroic teams trading expensive veterans for cheap young prospects. This boom or bust philosophy has guided the franchise for the entirety of its existence and for a franchise with no money and a crappy stadium; I’d say they’ve made the most of it.

The problem for the Marlins - a.k.a. "The Fish" - has been keeping fans interested during the down years. If you ever catch a Marlins game on TV, and I am fairly certain you have to live in Southern Florida to do so, you may have noticed that Dolphin Stadium is rarely full. Either that or their fans come to the games dressed as empty chairs.
The picture above is from an actual game! Against a real major league team! This is not batting practice. This is not an exhibition. This is sad.

It got so bad during one extra inning game that by the 12th inning the players outnumbered the fans. They say if you were there that day you could sit in the far reaches of the upper deck and by merely raising your voice have a casual conversation with the pitcher standing on the mound.

If you look closely at that picture you can see the players on the field. Outside of the photographer, there may be 20 other people in the stands. You could have had your choice of seats that day. Of course, you would have had to watch the Marlins.

So, what does a cash-strapped franchise do when no one wants to come out and see the product on the field?

That’s right! They get the public to cough up $347 million in financing for a new, state-of-the-art ball park with plenty of features to distract the fans from the game itself.
Set to break ground in July, the new Miami Ballpark is scheduled to open in 2012 and will boast a massive retractable roof, open-air concourses, an enormous jumbotron, and a giant plastic fish that pops out of the water whenever the Marlins hit a homerun.

The most amazing feature of the new park though is in left field. As you can see in the picture below, the Marlins have done away with all those troublesome seats that took up so much space at the old stadium.

By all accounts, the plan is to have a "standing room only" area for fans that were unable to buy seats for the game. Somehow the Marlins, using some form of math heretofore undiscovered, have calculated that they will RUN OUT of available seating for games.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a fancy new stadium as much as anyone. I’m just saying that better be the coolest plastic fish the world has ever known!

Tiny Tim and His Axis Powers

2009-04-20T08:53:00.000-07:00

Through the first two games of the season, 2008 Cy Young award winner Tim Lincecum looked terrible. "Tiny Tim,” as he’s known, had pitched only 8 combined innings serving up 7 earned runs on 14 hits, 6 walks and a home run. While he did rack up 10 strikeouts over those 2 games, clearly something was wrong.

So, “The Freak,” as he’s known, went back to look at the tape. You see, Lincecum’s delivery is so unique that only 3 people in the world really understand all of the slight nuances involved. Those people are Tim’s dad, his brother and Tim himself.

According to Chris Haft of MLB.com, this is what Lincecum found:

LOS ANGELES -- Giants ace Tim Lincecum has noticed a flaw in his pitching delivery that could have caused the problems he endured in his first two starts. Simply put, Lincecum's upper and lower body aren't in sync.
Lincecum, an expert regarding his own mechanics, delivered a detailed explanation Wednesday by pointing out that his upper and lower body turn on different "axes," creating the torque that helps him impart force on his deliveries. But the two parts lack coordination with each other.
"I'm not finding the right timing," Lincecum said. The Cy Young Award winner cited his inability to land in the same spot with his front (left) foot as proof that he's off-kilter.
"The smallest thing can make a big difference," Lincecum said.
Lincecum said that he and pitching coach Dave Righetti compared videotapes of games from his first two seasons with footage from his 2009 outings.
"It's a difference that I would notice," said Lincecum, who's 0-1 with a 7.56 ERA. "Somebody else might not."

I think there’s a valuable lesson to be learned in this.

As my buddy Nitin, who forwarded this story to me, asked: “Can I start making this [stuff] up at work? You know, ‘Sorry boss, my wrist and index finger are totally out of sync. I seem to be having issues hitting the T and Y keys: Rhus causing me rhese issues wirh my ruping.”

It’s kind of a ‘Get out of Work Free’ card. Don’t feel like producing very good spreadsheets today? Well, it just so happens that a small detail about your hand-eye coordination that only you truly understand might be getting in the way of a timely delivery of that document.

But why stop there? “No, honey I’m sorry, I can’t take out the garbage. Remember about the unique internal struggle between my upper and lower axes? It’s just going to have to wait until after the game.”

Of course, that one could come back to bite you: “Sorry dear, that singular flaw in my mechanics that affects only me is making it so that I just can’t give you what you want until that garbage gets taken out. Oh, and I have a headache too.”

We can’t all be Tim Lincecum though. After the video session and some throwing on the side, Lincecum took the mound against the Arizona Diamondbacks and pitched 8 innings of 5-hit shutout ball. He struck out a career-high-tying 13 batters and walked none. The only thing keeping him from the win was his lineup and his bullpen, which managed to score no runs and blow the game in the ninth.

As for me, I have to be getting back to work.

Unril nexr rime!

T.G.I.F. (Today's Game Is at Friday's)

2009-04-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

Last night on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, former Mets great Ron Darling was hawking his new book The Complete Game: Reflections on Baseball, Pitching and Life on the Mound.

Understand that when I say “last night” I really mean the episode aired on Tuesday, I watched it on Wednesday and posted this column on Thursday. Thanks to TiVo (get yours today!) I rarely watch TV shows when they actually air and therefore have no concept of when programs are actually on. They are on when I want them to be on.

(Quick aside: For a great TV-related blog, I highly recommend that you check out Warming Glow, a scathingly hilarious blog about the bizarre and outrageous things now airing on television – it’s funny because it’s true!)

Now, where was I? Oh right, Ron Darling was on The Daily Show “last night”:

If you watch the video, eventually Ron Darling and Jon Daily (as my grandmother calls him) get around to discussing food at the old ballpark. While they failed to mention the Fifth-Third Burger, they did get into some of the delicious yet ridiculous fare now offered at the Mets new stadium: CitiField.

Their discussion was particularly relevant (no matter when it may have originally aired) because I had just spent the day at Arizona’s Chase Field (formerly BankOne Ballpark, likely soon to be American Bank Coliseum or some such nonsense).

Understand that when I say “at Arizona’s Chase Field” I really mean that I was at T.G.I.Friday’s at Arizona’s Chase Field and may or may not have ever set foot in the actual stadium.

You walk in to the restaurant and find a big bar and a bunch of tables – it’s a typical T.G.I.Friday’s with lots of chotchke on the walls. The only difference is that one entire wall of the place is open to the air and looks out over the ballpark from high above right field.

You can sit there at your own table, attended by a nice waitress, slurp down Appletinis and Ultimate Margaritas, dine on Jack Daniel’s® glazed BBQ ribs & shrimp or Honey Pecan Salmon, use real silverware and cloth napkins all while you watch the D’Backs lose to the Cardinals LIVE!

Isn’t that what baseball is all about?

"Know Your Place, Rook!"

2009-04-15T10:52:00.000-07:00

ESPN Fantasy Baseball’s Tristan Cockroft is reporting in this morning’s Out of the Box that the Washington Nationals have emoted outfielder Lastings Milledge to AAA Syracuse. I realize I took a couple of cheap shots at the Nationals yesterday for being 0 and 7 and having very little hope for success this season. Let’s let this move by the Nationals serve as exhibit A.

I am not saying Lastings Milledge is the greatest player ever – he certainly has his faults: His outfield defense is atrocious, his plate discipline is worse, and his racist and derogatory rap album just wasn’t any good.

And there was the time in his first big league season with New York Mets, when he hit his first home run. It was a game-tying shot in the bottom of the tenth inning. When the inning ended, still tied, he trotted out to take his place in right field. And along the way he high-fived the Mets fans sitting in the stands.

When Milledge showed up to the clubhouse the next day, someone had taped a note to his locker that read: “Know your place, Rook!”

He obviously has learned his lesson. Sure, he recently blew off a team meeting – but hey, it was his birthday. That has to count for something!

Despite these minor flaws and various youthful indiscretions, Milledge is still just 24 years old and has been playing major league baseball for 2 full seasons. He is clearly one of the most talented players on the Nationals team.

Is it his fault that corrupt former general manager Jim Bowden, who was skimming bonus money from young unsuspecting Dominican players, spent his entire career collecting “toolsy” athletic outfielders leaving the Nationals with a roster full of very fast and very strong guys who may someday learn how to be baseball players?

Is it Milledge’s fault that the Nationals, who were already loaded at first base and the outfield, decided to go out and sign Adam Dunn, who can only play first base or outfield (and he is hardly passable in the outfield), leaving the team with an even greater surplus than before?

I can’t understand how this team could have possibly developed an image problem.

For all of Lastings Milledge’s past transgressions, he is a big part of this team’s future. There is nothing more for him to learn in the minor leagues. Can Washington really afford to compound their mistakes?

15 wrongs don’t make a right! (A lesson that Milledge has clearly learned, right?)

PS: For a “dissenting” opinion, I recommend you check out Nats320. Yes, it is an actual blog devoted to the Washington Nationals. This guy thinks that things like performance, attitude and responsibility are factors in whether a guy should play baseball and make millions of dollars.

Crazy talk, I say!

Standing On Your Head

2009-04-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

This season is not going so well for baseball. Normally, the first week of the season is filled with promise and hope for all teams. Instead, there have been fewer moments of heroic accomplishment and more moments of silence for those who have passed away.

Gordon Edes of Yahoo! Sports rattles off the death toll to date:

Last Thursday it was Nick Adenhart, the 22-year-old Los Angeles Angels pitcher killed in a car accident that also claimed the lives of two friends. Three days earlier, on opening day, it was Brian Powers, a 27-year-old Angels fan, found bleeding and unconscious in an Angel Stadium stairwell after a fatal altercation with other spectators.

Monday came the news that Harry Kalas, the legendary broadcaster of the Philadelphia Phillies since 1971, was found dead at 73 in a broadcast booth in
Washington, preparing for an afternoon game against the Nationals.

And then, just hours later, one more shock: Mark “the Bird” Fidrych, one of the
game’s purest characters, was found under his 10-wheel truck on his Massachusetts farm, dead of an apparent accident at 54.

A promising player. A hometown fan. An unforgettable voice. A baseball original. All gone in the season’s first week.

Despite the way these stories have dominated baseball news, I am not going to dwell on any of them any more than I already have. Frankly, it’s just not funny. I sincerely hope that we’ve seen the last of this for a while and we can get back to enjoying baseball and laughing at all the silly things around our great game.

With that, I would like to shift gears and address some happier topics such as how the current state of the economy is affecting the game. Or maybe I could talk about Congress’ latest investigation into baseball’s steroid scandal? Or how about the Washington Nationals?

OK, just kidding. All of those things suck.

Instead I want to talk about some of baseball’s early surprises. I don’t know if you’ve reviewed the standings today, but strange things are afoot.

Here’s a list of some of the teams in first place or tied for first place as of this morning:

Toronto Blue Jays

Kansas City Royals

Seattle Mariners

Florida Marlins

San Diego Padres

These five teams were and are all expected to finish at or near the bottom of their respective divisions, and yet one week into the season, they all find themselves in first place. Seriously! Most of these teams are the basis for many of my best punch lines.

It’s a world gone mad!

Just look at the AL East: 1) Blue Jays, 2) Orioles, 3) Rays, 4) Yankees, 5) Red Sox. You would think someone messed up and flipped order.

In the NL Central, possibly the sanest division at the moment, the Cardinals are a game up on the Cubs. Those two teams will likely battle it out for much of the summer. The third place Pittsburgh Pirates on the other hand should be lacing their boots and packing their ‘chutes, because their fall past the Reds, Brewers and Astros is going to come quick and it’s going to hurt any of the fans they have left.

The Cleveland Indians have only won a single game and plenty of so called experts picked them to win the AL Central. Instead the Tigers, White Sox and Royals are within a game of each other for the lead. I don’t know if I can live in a world where the Royals are truly competitive.

I just want things to go back to how they should be.

Fortunately for me, they will. That’s the beauty of a 162-game season: The cream rises to the top over time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a long season, it’s still early. Every team is going to win 54, every team will lose 54. It’s what you do with the other 54 that matters.

…and other clichés that give me comfort.

So, no matter who you root for, take a deep breath – inhale, exhale – and remember, your team is what you thought they were and they will prove it if you give them enough time. Looking at the standings before June 1 is pure folly whether you’re a fan of the eventually playoff-bound Boston Red Sox or the talented but woefully under-funded Florida Marlins.

Yes, the season is young and things will eventually right themselves. There may be a surprise or two – some team will come out of no where to make a big run and some powerhouse will succumb to injuries and overwhelming expectations.

It’s baseball, and anything can happen. Unless of course you’re the Washington Nationals…they may not win a game all year.

Everybody Hurts, Sometimes

2009-04-13T14:46:00.000-07:00

As REM once sang, “Everybody hurts…sometimes.” While that may be true for the vast majority of people in the world, there is a certain sub-set of baseball player that has over time been stuck with the label “injury prone”.

Once a guy is said to be injury-prone, there is really no going back. It’s a label he carries for life and it can have major ramifications on his career, whether or not it's actually true.

To be fair, most of these players earn the label the hard way. You’re not going to find too many scouts or general managers that will try to convince you that Mark Prior is not injury-prone. Some may quibble about whose fault it is. In Prior’s case many would say Dusty Baker rode the young pitcher like a rented mule in his first 2 seasons. Others would say that Prior’s collision with diminutive second baseman Marcus Giles. A few will even try to tell you that Prior is simply a pansy. Whatever the root cause may be, all would agree that Mark Prior is the very definition of injury-prone.

While Mark Prior has had to spend the last 2+ seasons with the San Diego Padres doing towel drills and pitching in “simulated games”, some of these other guys (below) have actually seen a baseball diamond recently. In every case, it is only a matter of time before the music stops and they land on the disabled list yet again.

Milton Bradley (OF, Chicago Cubs): When he signed a 3-year, $30 million deal with the Cubs in the offseason, the ever-quotable Milton Bradley said:

“If I’m being paid, and I’ve got the commitment to me that I give to them, you make more of an effort to be out there every day. When you’re on one-year deals constantly, you’ve got to put up as good numbers as you can. When you have days where you’re not feeling like you can contribute, you’re not going to go out there, because you’re not going to want your numbers to suck.

So, if you’re in a situation like I am now, if they want me to go out there when I’m
feeling a little banged up, I’ve got no problem doing that because they’ve made the commitment to me.”

For more, check out The Daily Cub.

Bradley’s words will be put to the test this week as he has already suffered a groin injury just one week into the new season. Seeing his injury last night on ESPN was the inspiration for this column. Hopefully for the Cubs, they’ve shown him enough “commitment”.

The picture above is from last night’s Cubs game. Judging by Bradley’s pose, it’s possible that he’s not hurt at all but merely giving a shout-out to Wrigley Field’s newest restaurant: The Captain Morgan Club.

A.J. Burnett (RHP, New York Yankees): Burnett is one of those guys that probably gets a bad rap. For a starting pitcher, he deals with maybe more than his fair share of injuries, but last year he pitched a full season (35 games and 221 innings). He’s pitched over 200 innings twice before in his career (2002 and 2005). In 2003 and 2006 he pitched a combined 158 innings. I’m not saying the Yankees should worry about the man they just handed a 5-year, $82 million deal. I’m just saying that if Burnett’s career trends hold true, they should get a good season out of him … in 2011.

J.D. Drew (OF, Boston Red Sox): Last year’s gritty performance in the ALCS playing through a couple herniated disks helped to remedy his image some, but Drew will always be known as injury-prone. His former manager with the Cardinals, Tony “the Genius” LaRussa once accused Drew of “settling for 75%” and it has always seemed that the slightest misstep or sudden movement could lead to the next DL stint.

Rich Harden (RHP, Chicago Cubs): After dealing with Mark Prior and Kerry Wood (we’ll get to him in a minute), the Cubs should know a thing or two about counting on injury-prone players. Last year, they worked a trade with Oakland for Harden at mid-season and he went on to prove that he could stay healthy and dominate. Then word leaked out that he may have some sort of tear in his shoulder. Then he started spring training in the trainers’ room while the rest of the pitching staff was, you know, pitching. Then he ate a bad fish taco, dropped 7 pounds and lost 10 mph off his fastball.

Chipper Jones (3B, Atlanta Braves): Acute right shoulder tendonitis, stiff back, right knee strain, stomach virus, left hamstring strain, strained right quad, slight tear in right quad, back spasms, right groin, left eye contusion. Larry “Chipper” Jones suffered all of these injuries – last year! In the midst of all of that carnage, he managed to play in 128 games, hit .364 with a .470 on base percentage, and finished 12th in the voting for National League MVP. This spring he picked up where he left off last year: he has battled an oblique strain, flu-like symptoms and a left thumb contusion – oh, and he’s batting .400 on the season.

Manny Ramirez (OF, Los Angeles Dodgers): Part of “Manny Being Manny” is that you just don’t know when or if the guy is going to play. Maybe he tweaked his hammy. Maybe he ate a bad ham sandwich. Maybe he’s just a big ham. Who knows? The point is you can count on Manny when he’s in the lineup and you can count on him to spend a portion of the season out of the lineup. Is he hurt or is he just "being Manny?" Who cares?

Rickie Weeks (2B, Milwaukee Brewers): Throughout young Rickie Weeks’ career, he has battled through numerous wrist, thumb and other assorted injuries. Whenever I hear that he’s sprained his wrist or tweaked his thumb though I think of him standing in the batter’s box waggling the bat back and forth before violently over-swinging and I think, “Gee, I wonder how he could have possible gotten hurt?”

Kerry Wood (RHP, Cleveland Indians): Wood is the perfect bookend to Mark Prior as the two practically became synonymous with one another during their time together on the Cubs. Unlike Prior, Wood’s proclivity for career-threatening injuries can actually be traced back to a specific point in time. Two days before making him the fourth overall pick in the 1995, Chicago Cubs management watched in horror as Wood threw 175 pitches in a doubleheader for Grand Prairie High School in Irvine, TX. That didn’t stop the Cubs from throwing $1.2 million at the 17-year old. His career since has been a mix of very high highs (1998 NL rookie of the year, the 20 strikeout game and of course the miraculous 2003 playoffs) and very low lows (Tommy John Disease in 1999, continuous elbow, shoulder and back pain and of course the disastrous 2003 playoffs).

At least he has a good attitude about it all!

These guys are All Star caliber players, who have been saddled with the “injury-prone” label rightly or not (rightly in most cases). Once tagged with the label, you keep it forever.

It is similar in many ways to other labels one can get stuck with in a moment of weakness. Like that tattoo you got when you were drunk. Or a venereal disease. Or “Academy Award winning actress” Marissa Tomei.

Sometimes, no matter how much you prove otherwise, certain things stay with you for life.

Webb of Lies

2009-04-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

We can now report that ESPN.com is reporting that FoxSports.com earlier reported that D’Backs starting pitcher, Brandon Webb got shafted in his contract negotiations by an insurance company (MLB.com later confirmed that report). Surprisingly, the insurance company involved was not AIG.

Brandon Webb is set to make $6.5 million this season, so it’s not like the guy is hurting. Except that he is in fact hurting.

Last summer, Webb and Arizona agreed in principle to the terms of a $54 million 3-year contract. Everyone rejoiced! The D’Backs would hang on to their ace pitcher and former Cy Young winner for another 3 years at a handsome price.

Fast forward to MLB’s rather pointless but always entertaining Winter Meetings, where the Diamondbacks suddenly and inexplicably pulled their offer off the table and told Webb and his agent that they were no longer willing to engage in further discussions.

What the heck?

Turns out that, while Webb passed a team physical, the tests administered by the insurance companies that were brought in to cover the deal did not go as well. Multiple companies raised “red flags” about your young pitcher’s long-term prospects for health. Arizona got scared and pulled out at the last second leaving Webb feeling confused, a little used and severely abused.

Webb took it upon himself to visit famed orthopedic surgeon/evil voodoo priest Dr. James Andrews to find out what exactly was going on inside his right shoulder. The good doctor informed Brandon that he was in no more risk of injury than any other pitcher, which is to say there is a 100% probability that continuing to throw a baseball at unsustainable velocity will result in a career-ending shoulder and/or elbow injury and possibly death.

Dr. Andrews told Webb to “go home, put some ice on it and come back next year for ligament-replacement surgery. Now here, take your lollipop.”

Webb faithfully went about his offseason strengthening program, his spring training throwing program and the first game of the season, which looked more like a batting practice session for the Colorado Rockies.

After the game, Webb let everyone know that his shoulder was sore.

The insurance companies patted themselves on the back.

D’Backs fans sobbed and commiserated over Margaritas.

Dr. James Andrews cackled triumphantly.

It's All Fun & Games...

2009-04-09T08:49:00.001-07:00

Some people – mostly Yankees and Red Sox fans - take baseball far too seriously. For the most part, we are talking about a boy’s game played by men for millions upon millions of dollars. Hey, it’s a living.

Sometimes though, things get a little out of hand.

Let’s get serious for a minute.

I received an email from my dad yesterday. He was just checking in to make sure I was OK. Turns out a 27-year-old kid in Los Angeles named Brian Powers was killed on Opening Day at the Angels game. Ignore for a moment that I am 30 years old, live in Phoenix and spell my first name “B-r-y-a-n” and you can see why my dad was a little scared.

I let him know that I was OK, but I haven’t stopped thinking about the “other Brian Powers”. It’s tragic. It’s not the kind of thing that should be associated with baseball, but we all know that from time to time the line gets crossed. When it does, it’s scary.

Sometimes, like the situation in Anaheim, it’s hard to reconcile what’s happened. There’s no reason, no meaning behind any of it. Our thoughts and prayers go out to that young man’s family.

Other times, the dust settles and you realize that everyone is going to be OK and the bad guys are going to get what they deserve. On those occasions, we can usually look back and laugh a little.

Like the time a pesky Cubs fan tried to steal the hat of Dodgers’ catcher Chad Kreuter right off his head while he was sitting in the bullpen. Kreuter and the entire Dodgers’ bullpen decided to go charging into the Wrigley Field stands to right a truly grievous wrong. 16 Dodgers players and 3 coaches were suspended and fined for their participation in the brawl.

Or the time two White Sox fans/drug addicts got high and thought that Royals first base coach Tom Gamboa stole their Meth money. They got hopped up and hopped out on to the field and before anyone knew what the heck was going on they had beaten Gamboa to a pulp. Thank goodness Chicago’s finest showed up in time to “read them their rights.”

Then there was the time a Red Sox groundskeeper was waving a rally flag inside the Yankees bullpen during a playoff game. Relief pitcher Jeff Nelson “warmed up” by socking him in the nose. Yankees outfielder Karim Garcia saw the scuffle and leaped the fence to join the fray. The groundskeeper later sued the pair of Yankees for lost pay and injuries (broken nose, deviated septum, broken teeth, injured neck, cleat-shaped bruises and the loss of his sense of smell).

Just 2 days ago, during the Philadelphia Phillies’ official World Series banner-raising ceremony, a couple of fans got into a dustup over what must have been a major philosophical disagreement over cheesesteak toppings. I guess every team’s fans celebrate in their own unique way.

Just remember when you go to the game, you’re there to have fun. Have a beer or two (or maybe three), but keep your cool. And hope that others around you do the same.

After all, it’s just baseball - even for you Red Sox and Yankees fans out there.

Americans Held Hostage By Pirates

2009-04-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

ST. LOUIS, Missouri — Major League Baseball officials said Wednesday that Pirates have hijacked Busch Stadium and are currently holding hostage thousands of American citizens. St. Louis' Busch Stadium, home of Albert Pujols and the mighty Cardinals, is now firmly under the control of the Pittsburgh Pirates and the good citizens trapped inside are powerless to stop the horror.

The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because information was still preliminary. But they said the hijacked crowd had no idea what they were getting into when they showed up to the arena early Wednesday afternoon. Before they knew it, they were at the mercy of a group of naer-do-well scoundrels parading around in black and gold.

At a noon news conference, Cardinals General Manager John Mozeliak said that the Cardinals were working to contact families of those in the crowd.

Very little information was available in the first few innings of the crisis. "Speculation is a dangerous thing when you're in a fluid environment. I cannot confirm whether the crowd is suffering greatly," he said. “The truth is, they are at the mercy of those Pirates.”

To date the Pirates have held hostage thousands of Americans in cities around the United States. Their operations are believed to originate from the rogue city of Pittsburgh. A typical Pirate-related crisis may last upwards of three to four hours with relatively no prospect for escape.

Most of the people of Pittsburgh have learned to avoid the Pirates home base, PNC Park, at all costs. Still, some individuals have become trapped for hours at a time, with no relief in sight.

Major League Baseball, in conjunction with Direct TV and other major broadcasters issued an advisory Wednesday highlighting several recent attacks that occurred stating that citizens of Houston and Atlanta should be increasingly vigilant when operating in and around the three rivers area. The advisory detailed the litany of sloppy play, poor pitching and bad baserunning that has risen to epidemic proportions in recent years. It went on to add that the "scope and magnitude of problem cannot be understated."

UPDATE:

"The crowd is back in control of the stadium," an MLB official said at midday, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak on the record. Multiple reliable sources are now reporting that Busch Stadium is back under control of fans of the St. Louis Cardinals. The crowd reportedly has one pirate in custody. The status of others is unclear; however, they are believed to be "back in the cellar, where they should be."

An MLB official is reporting that the Pirate in custody is center fielder Nate McClouth:

A detained McLouth was quoted saying, "Yargh, we suck!"

$161 Million Pajamas

2009-04-07T14:12:00.001-07:00

This past offseason, the New York Yankees went out and dropped a lot of cash on a handful of super star free agents. Their hope was to turn around their poor little franchise with one giant wave of the money wand. After one game, I think we can say that their efforts were a complete waste of time and resources.

The Yankees biggest prize – in both dollar amount and sheer mass – was C. C. Sabathia, who last season single-handedly carried the Milwaukee Brewers into the postseason on his rather expansive back.

The Yankees gave Sabathia a 7-year $161 Million contract so that he could pitch every fifth day. The contract was the richest ever for a pitcher and the fourth-largest for any player in baseball history, and it is hard to argue that the strong-armed lefty doesn’t deserve every bit of it.

So, what does a 6-foot, 7-inch 250-pound (ish) 28-year old Californian do with $161 Million? No, I mean after he orders a Fifth-Third Burger.

He goes out and buys the largest set of Yankees-themed pajamas he can find:

While large men playing baseball have traditionally had to wear XXL and XXXL sized jerseys and pants, Sabathia has clearly taken the concept of overweight player in over-sized uniform to new heights.

He is not alone in his propensity for hoarding double-knit polyester fabric. Big-boned men have been swinging sticks and hurling fastballs for almost a century. It's not like you have to be a good athlete to play baseball (though it certainly helps). The Bad Jerseys website even went so far as to create an “All-Fat Guy Baseball Team”.

Some examples of plus-sized players in their voluminous ensembles:

From left to right and top to very large bottom: That’s Antonio Alfonseca, Cecil Fielder, his son Prince Fielder, Bartolo Colon, Rich Garces, David Wells, Mo Vaughn, Dmitri Young and Livan Hernandez.

None of them sports quite the volume of material that Sabathia has achieved, but you certainly can’t say they aren’t trying.

Then there are the guys – like Carlos Zambrano and Felix Hernandez – who have fought hard throughout their careers to keep off the weight and yet still look like they are wearing their most comfortable PJs.

Maybe it’s the lack of elastic in the legs of their pants. Maybe it’s the way they blouse the jersey. I don’t know. I just get the feeling that if these guys were given $161 Million they might just show up on the mound in slippers and a smoking jacket.

The ESPN crew agreed that the hot-headed Zambrano was looking trimmer last night. It was hard to tell who said what, and they were saying pretty much the same thing over and over again, but it sounded something like: “Big Z – does he carry that weight well?” “He looks thinner.” “He’s very fit.” “Does he look thinner to you?” “He does.” “He’s in very good shape.” “People carry weight well.”

Wait – what was that last comment? “People carry weight well?” Uh, Carlos, I think he just called you fat!

He may be large, but in those pajamas, he sure is comfortable.

Opening Day Has Been Cancelled!

2009-04-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

It’s finally here: Opening Day!

Today is the unofficial end of winter and the start of spring. Birds are singing, flowers are blooming, and oversized rabbits are deviously hiding painted eggs around your house. Grab your peanuts and crackerjack, it’s time to get out to the old ball game…

…Unless you live in Chicago. The White Sox home opener has been snowed out!

This sort of thing has become a regular occurrence in recent years. It seems like the regular season starts earlier and earlier leading to scenes like we got in Cleveland in 2007, when their entire season opening series had to be cancelled.

Baseball has a problem, but I don’t think the solution is all that difficult to figure out. How about we spend a few extra hours cobbling together a schedule that would allow cold-weather teams to start the season in warm-weather cities or cities with domed stadiums? Even if it were just the first 2 series of the season, that would still get us into mid-late April and help us avoid this…

Of course, when you’re as creative as the citizens of St. Louis, you can make good use of bad weather.

It warms my heart to think that Cardinals fans are excited for the start of their team’s season that they would go to such great lengths. Hey, at least they spelled everything right. Unlike this guy:

Yes, We're Open

2009-04-05T09:25:00.001-07:00

Finally!

The longest Spring Training in the history of man has finally come to a close. Today we celebrate what MLB.com is calling “Opening Night” – the first game of the regular season. ~~Cole Hamels~~ Brett Myers and the defending World Series champion Philadelphia Phillies take on their division rivals, Larry “Chipper” Jones and the mighty Atlanta Braves, in what is sure to be … well, the first game of a very long season.

I love baseball. That much you’ve probably gathered by now. If you haven’t, I encourage you to go back and read my first post (It’s an Imperfect Game).

Despite my all-encompassing love of the game, I have a hard time getting into this concept of Opening Night. The idea that this one game should be singled out and celebrated above all others is anathema to baseball. That kind of thing works fine in the NFL where it’s one out of only sixteen games each team will play. In baseball, it’s one out of 162.

In my mind, Opening Day is special. It’s a mad scramble with every team playing at the same time in the sunshine with their best pitcher on the mound. It’s a burst of activity with packed houses and players that have been itching to play for months on end. It’s a deluge of statistics pouring in all at once ready to dissect and project. Quite simply, when Opening Day hits, it’s on.

I think of tonight’s game as more of a warning shot fired across the bow. It’s coming! Look out! It’s Opening Night! This is real – but not quite Opening Day real.

In Buster Olney’s daily must-read blog he reminds us today that while spring training ushers in hope for all teams, Opening Day delivers cold harsh reality. He’s mostly right. For many teams, they won’t know just how bad they really are until several weeks, or in some cases months, into the season. For others, they already know.

Take the Seattle Mariners for instance. Ichiro is so worried that the team he has carried for so long is going to suck that he’s developed a bleeding ulcer. The Pittsburgh Pirates will be lucky to come in sixth in a six-team division. The Baltimore Orioles are already looking to next season or maybe the season after that. Hell, the Royals are practically a minor league team!

Don’t worry – there will be some very competitive divisions this season. In the NL East the Phillies, Mets, Braves and even the Marlins all have a chance at the postseason. In the AL East, the Yankees, Red Sox and Rays just might be the top three teams in baseball. It’s anyone’s guess who will come out of the AL Central, where anyone (except of course the Royals) has a shot.

For you Phillies and Braves fans out there, sit back, crack open a cold one and enjoy the dulcet tones of Sunday Night Baseball broadcaster/moron Joe Morgan (of http://www.firejoemorgan.com/ fame). Morgan will be joined in the Opening Night booth by Jon Miller and Steve Phillips for ESPN’s first ever three-man MLB broadcasting team.

Yes, my friends, baseball is officially back (kind of). In honor of the grand event that is Opening Night, I may even wait until the third inning before hitting “Mute”.