You Can't Beat Sex At The Old Ballpark

This stuff could only happen to the White Sox...

John Kass of the Chicago Tribune relayed a story from Opening Day at U.S. Cellular Field. Sox fan and local physician, Dr. Paul Nemeth's six-year-old son just wanted to see his favorite team play baseball. Instead, he got an education in poor bathroom etiquette.

On Monday, Nemeth's son had to go, and his father took him to the nearest restroom. They stood in line for the first urinal next to a row of stalls.

As they waited, Nemeth said, he noticed noises coming from the last stall. A man's legs — clad in blue jeans and sneakers — were sticking out from under the stall door.

"The toes were pointing up," said Nemeth. "The legs were shaking and quivering. From a visual standpoint, all you had to see was the legs quivering to know something was going on."

...

"So I kicked the door, just to get a reaction. I just wanted to make sure nobody was dying in there. That's when I heard a woman's voice yell, ‘HEY, STOP!' Something was going on and I had interrupted."

Moments later, the stall door opened, and a tall, thin, blond man exited. The tall man held his arms up in triumph. "His arms were straight up, like in victory," Nemeth said. "Everybody was hooting and hollering and giving high-fives."

Then a second person left the stall, someone Nemeth described as apparently female, "scurrying" out of the restroom with a shirt or coat over her head.

"It was disgusting. Probably the most disgusting thing was the encouragement this guy received from the other guys in the bathroom. You can't even go to a baseball game anymore without being subjected to this?"

My first thought was, "Geez, where else is this guy being subjected to this?" Then I remembered he's a White Sox fan. This kind of stuff probably happens at every establishment he frequents.

When I think back to my blessedly limited experiences in the bathrooms at the White Sox home park, well, let's just say "Eww..." This punk kid may have felt like some kind of conquering hero, and the methed-up low-lifes cheering him on sure treated him like one, but just I hope it was worth it. That burning sensation you feel when you pee, yeah, that's the clap, bro. High five!

Let's all remember this one the next time Ozzie Guillen wants to talk about the size of the rats at Wrigley Field.