Surprise!!!

That’s right, I’m back! I bet you thought you’d heard the last from me. Well, you were wrong. After several months to contemplate all that has happened in the world of baseball, I have returned.

I nearly came out from hiding on the day that the Chicago Cubs traded Milton Bradley to the Seattle Mariners (the headline was going to be “CubNation’s Long National Nightmare Over, Seattle's Has Just Begun”). Milton has always been such a big part of this blog – it would have made a lot of sense to come back with my take on the trade.

Instead, I chose to surprise you! And what could be more appropriate than a story about the biggest surprise of my entire baseball-watching life:

Mark McGwire used steroids!!

That headline can't be bold or underlined enough. No amount of exclamation marks could ever convey our collective shock.

This is a crushing blow to the many lifelong fans of Big Mac. Many of us have been watching Mark play since he was just a little boy.

Over the years, we marveled at his great propensity for the long ball. We saw him grow into a big, BIG man with arms like a lumberjack and a neck as thick as Serena Williams' thighs.

We hung on Big Mac's every word during the senate hearings as he tearfully told us he did not come to talk about the past. Who could blame him? Wasn’t this the man who had saved baseball? Didn't we love him and cheer him on as he launched a then-record 70 home runs in 1998 for the cellar-dwelling Cardinals? This man was beyond reproach!



Well, he has news for us: He cheated.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, “We are shocked!”

My only hope is that Mark’s good friend Sammy was around to give him another awkward hug.

Fortunately for us all, the shock of this news has awoken me from my self-imposed blogging hiatus. Over the past several months, I’ve let far too many baseball events slip by with nary an acerbic comment from me. I feel I have done you all - my readers - a great disservice.

The important thing now is: I’m back! Tell your friends. Add me to your Reader feed. Sit on my home page and hit refresh over and over. (No, I’m sorry, you can’t follow me on Twitter. Lord knows I can’t keep my posts under 140 characters).

While I can’t promise a post a day as I have managed in the past, I can promise regular material of the quality you have all come to expect. As always, no area of the sport will be spared: On-field action, off-field extracurriculars, front office activity, ballpark nonsense, backroom dealings, even other reporters and bloggers.

If you have ideas for a post, please pass them along. It’s our job – once again – to shed light on the funnier side of this Imperfect Game that we all love so much.

Let's play ball!